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March 29, 2010 | by  | in Opinion |
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Salient rates: Places to do number twos

Sometimes you just can’t help it. Nature calls and you have to do a poo at uni. Perhaps you got up late and forgot to do your routine morning poo. Maybe you had a big lunch. Maybe something in your belly is not quite right. Whatever the predicament you find yourself in, it’s always nice to know where there’s a quiet place to go on campus to do your business.

The mysterious tiled bathroom in Old Kirk

We’re not sure where exactly this is. Its location is known only to a sly few. Apparently there’s also free nice-smelling moisturiser. First person to come to the Salient office with the details of this bathroom’s location will win a prize.*

10/10

The Editor’s desk at Salient

This is wrong on so many levels.

0/10

The toilets in the atrium at Design School

Design School is a small place. If you poo in the bathrooms in studio, everyone knows it’s you that made the smell/mess. So why not go for the toilets in the atrium? That way there’s less of a chance that you’ll run into your classmate, and you can always blame the person in the cubicle next to you for the stench. Bonus points for paper towels.

6/10

Level 7 of the library

There’s never anyone there. You can go about pooping in peace.

7.5/10

Level 0 of Easterfield

Apparently there’s soft toilet paper and decent-sized cubicles. Soft toilet paper for bum wiping FTW.

8/10

Level 2 of the Student Union Building, by the Union Hall

ZOMG! Foamy soap! We love the foamy soap. Sure, it kind of looks like shaving cream, but it’s such a nice texture. The women’s bathroom comes complete with a baby changing table.

8.5/10

Level 2 of the Library

Pretty much the worst place to poo at Kelburn. There’s always a line. It’s highly likely you’ll run into someone you know. There’s no hiding any noise. There’s only paper towels if you get there at 9am. This place is only for number ones. Unless you’re desperate.

1/10

Thoughts on pooping in disabled toilets

Pooping in a disabled toilet is comparable to parking your car in a designated disabled car park.

Poopin’ at Pip?

Head to the Railway Station for anonymity plus!

*Okay, we can’t guarantee what this ‘prize’ will be exactly, but it’ll be good. Hopefully. Like, we can probably give you a Red Bull shot.

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About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

Comments (2)

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  1. Caterina says:

    Hi, I’m not a native speaker, I’m studying the English language, so sorry for any grammar mistakes. I was trying to find the meaning of “number twos”, but I couldn’t, and then I saw this blog. So “number twos” means poops? And do you have any idea for the reasons it is called like that?
    Thankss!

  2. Miller says:

    Number one is peeeeeeeeeeeee

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