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May 31, 2010 | by  | in Opinion |
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Engaging with the innards of philosophy

While there may be one or two people reading this who have gotten laid thanks to philosophy (or, for the asexual reader, been bought a mauve sweater, or whatever you’re into), generally it has few practical uses other then stopping us from stabbing each other in public. This is because most people don’t let philosophical doctrine affect the boring minutiae of their day. Anyone doing so would risk alienating those around them and potentially ending up in hospital or with a couple of restraining orders.

I.e. most people are cowards.

This column will hopefully teach you that while theoretically interesting, philosophy is evil and you should just do whatever your parental guardians or peer group tell you to do.

This week… Friedrich August von Hayek (free market economist/philosopher)

Friedrich Hayek lived a bittersweet life. A divorcee who was forced into exile in Arkansas (not for anything particularly exciting, he just hated his ex-wife) and whose genius wasn’t appreciated until he was too old to use this power for his own self-interest. He may have won a Nobel prize, but I doubt he was happy for a single day in his life.  

To honour this great man I shall submerge myself in the philosophical ideas of Hayek, basing my every decision for one day on a mean-spirited bastardisation of his lifeworks.  

Day: Hayek
Time: 8:25:43:16 am
There will be no rounding

Wake. It is bright today, so I decide to wear whatever I choose: it’s my life, it’s my body, why would I care to conform to any social norm that would not have a positive effect on my wellbeing?  

So beige short shorts with short sleeves for today: the shorts to promote positive commerce with my junk, and the sleeves to make apparent my tattoo, and therefore highlight the obvious fact that I am trying to create a phony image of being cultured, and therefore much cooler than you by searing my skin with an inane pattern that hundreds of wankers worldwide have also seared themselves with. (My god I’m a cultural vacuum, is it too early to drink?)

Day: Hayek
Time: 10:25:00 am
Rounding may have been wise in this instance

To ease myself back into the day after the aforementioned realisation, and have begun drinking, I have decided that Hayek would be pro-midday drinking, but only due to society being self-regulating, and therefore if my drinking becomes a burden on the aforementioned society, that society will take away my booze (which I am currently hiding inside a wine bladder attached to my belt).

Day: Hayek
Time: 11:15:03 am  

I saw a homeless person, which normally wouldn’t be a notable part of my day, but as the day is Hayek’s I must act accordingly, “lol”.

Day: Hayek.
Time: irrelevant

Can the concept of free choice be taken too far? I shall find out.  

Day: Hayek
Time: 12:47:31 pm

I attempt to leave VUWSA and take back my levy by stealing President Max Hardy’s bright red shoes (Hayek was a strong supporter of the freedom of association). This does not go well. He’s stronger than you would think, and I am still quite drunk. 

Day: Hayek
Time: 1:19:27 pm

To confront the fine balance promoted by Hayek in which ‘one must enjoy their freedom in such a way as to not impede on the freedom of others’, I need to get far away from people and therefore enter a midday film at Paramount. I buy a ticket for the film that I hope is befitting the freedoms I am enjoying—it’s an R18 film (contains explicit sex, graphic violence and genital… I stopped reading) by Danish filmmaker Lars Von Trier, named Antichrist. I hope it will brighten my booze-sodden mood.

Day: Hayek
Time: 3:04:49 pm
It’s getting worse

Why! Why was there a tree with sexually violent limbs and graphic physical injury to the more delicate parts of the human anatomy (of the nadger and bearded clam variety)? This was, mostly, not the laugh a minute tale I had hoped for—I fear its moments of humour may have been unintentional, I appeared to be the only one laughing, and was of a ‘it’s funny because we’re all crying’/Post Coital Regret style (also known as the Uther Dean school of ‘make laughy’).

Day: Hayek
Time: Beddy bye

The Hayekian life has been an interesting adventure, I laughed at a homeless person, almost got punched in the face, and was emotionally traumatised by the Danish—all while wearing stubbies. It is not something I would suggest to anyone I liked, but for those of you who are elbow-deep in Libertarianism I would recommend alcohol to make those awkward run ins with ‘other people’ more bearable.

In conclusion, Hayek was a very clever man, but whose words are to be pondered, not so much to live by.

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