Viewport width =
May 3, 2010 | by  | in Opinion |
Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

Fruits to throw from a height to cause splatter and mess

We got this irrepressible urge to throw fruit. We couldn’t help ourselves. Causing mess has to be a favourite pastime of ours. It should be a favourite pastime of yours too. So this week, at an undisclosed location, Salient rates the best fruits to throw from a height to cause splatter and mess.

Persimmon 3/10

Our first fruit was not very “splatty”, according to judges’ notes. But it cracked in half “which was exciting”.

Plum 1/10

We had expected the plum to be a bit splodey, so were disappointed when it bounced. It BOUNCED! And then it rolled away. Even a second test failed to make it explode, but it did get a crack in it.

Kiwifruit 1/10

We thought the kiwifruit, too, would be a messy fruit. Our sample may have been a bit hard. It rolled about five metres, which was impressive at the time, but was quickly beaten by other, more ambitious fruits.

Apple 4/10

The apple “got a bit smashed up”, according to the judges. It also managed to roll about ten metres. It made a fun noise when it hit the ground.

Mandarin 6/10

All the judges’ notes for this said was “splatter!!” Pretty impressive then.

Orange 7/10

The orange made “an awesome mess” (like a poo explosion, almost, but less poo), and rolled about four metres.

Grapes 5/10

Dropping a bunch of grapes was just a bit ridiculous. While a few individual grapes got a bit messed up, others just came off the branch and rolled around the undisclosed location, making it easier for us to escape baddies on rollerskates.

Tomato 0/10

The tomato was the day’s biggest disappointment. It cracked. That was all. Fuck you, tomato.

Watermelon 10/10

Easily the best of these fruits was the watermelon. We kept it inside its cosy New World Metro plastic wrap, but it still managed to explode beyond its plasticy constraints. Good effort.

Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

Comments are closed.

Recent posts

  1. Laneway: Luck of the Draw
  2. Cuttin’ it with with Miss June
  3. SWAT
  4. Ravished by the Living Embodiment of All Our University Woes
  5. New Zealand’s First Rainbow Crossing is Here (and Queer)
  6. Chloe Has a Yarn About Mental Health
  7. “Stick with Vic” Makes “Insulting” and “Upsetting” Comments
  8. Presidential Address
  9. Final Review
  10. Tears Fall, and Sea Levels Rise

Editor's Pick

This Ain’t a Scene it’s a Goddamned Arm Wrestle

: Interior – Industrial Soviet Beerhall – Night It was late November and cold as hell when I stumbled into the Zhiguli Beer Hall. I was in Moscow, about to take the trans-Mongolian rail line to Beijing, and after finding someone in my hostel who could speak English, had decided