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May 10, 2010 | by  | in Features |
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I’ve had an abortion

Those two blue lines at 3am left me with one word—“fuck”. After lying awake for half the night, I had finally grabbed my Clear Blue and headed to the bathroom.

Those lines were the last thing I wanted to see, but they finally confirmed the fears I had been blocking out of my mind. What now?

Discovering you’re pregnant is, for some women, one of the happiest moments of their lives. For me it wasn’t. It was panic, followed by loud cursing. I knew that the only two options I could consider were an abortion or to follow the pregnancy through. The problem was I naively believed that this decision would be a gut instinct. Once the pregnancy was confirmed, I thought that the right answer would appear—I peed on a stick and it turned into a fortune cookie. I wanted a miracle. Mary got an angel telling her what to do, where the hell was mine?

The next morning after a sleepless night I called my boyfriend who was living in Auckland.

“I am pregnant.”

Silence.

“Fuck, I guess we are having a baby… Holy crap”.
This wasn’t the answer I was expecting. Now I was faced with the prospect of pushing his baby out of my vagina.

I felt so trapped; my mind was cut right down the middle. I knew that I would love it once it arrived, but should my first reactions have really been dread, panic and disappointment?

In an attempt to make this all disappear I made an appointment with Family Planning for another test. Maybe I had a faulty test? Though nothing could alter the fact my boobs had already gone up a cup size. The test result was positive. I burst into tears—how could this happen to me? The nurse told me I needed to make a choice. You can’t just wait this one out. I called my doctor. I was having an abortion.

It was the hardest decision I have ever made, but if I didn’t do it, I would become a mother. Not only was I filled with fear, but also with shame and guilt. I come from a huge Catholic family where pregnancy means birth and a baby. But I didn’t want a baby; did that make me a horrible person? I lived like a shadow around the house, locking myself away to cry into my pillow and hold my stomach. I couldn’t walk out the door without morning sickness gagging my throat.

My best friend stood by me and took me to my first appointment. We entered through the security door into the abortion services. I waited to see the doctor and counsellor. The waiting room contained a fuzzy television, a radio and silent teenage daughters with their mothers. People came and went. We all stared at the television.

I told the counsellor every fear, thought or question I had. I finally felt that what I was doing wasn’t ‘wrong’. She showed me the size of the foetus; it was a baked bean, a cluster of tissue. It didn’t even have a sex. I cried a lot, but more than anything it was from relief. I was no longer trapped. This pressure from society constantly calling a foetus a baby had made me hate myself, but now it was lifting.

I had started to believe I was a killer. But then I realised the people who don’t believe that women should have a choice don’t know anything about having a termination. All my life I had heard the abortion debate through history, media and religion. Yet before I entered this situation, I had no idea of the complexity of the emotions it can produce in a woman. I never thought it would happen to me. But it did, and everything changed. I have always believed in the right for women to choose. The thought of being forced to carry a baby that I didn’t want made me feel sick.

But I was in for another nasty surprise. While I was at peace with my decision and knew it wasn’t a bad thing, I was yet to learn who had the final say. Turns out the state had rights to my uterus.

I went against my father’s beliefs in order to have this abortion. And that was hard because I care about him and I knew he would be hurt. I didn’t let my friends, family or the church make this decision for me. It is my body; I have the final say, so how did a law become the supreme ruler of my body?

I had to lie about why I needed the abortion. I just didn’t want a baby. Yet in our law that means nothing. I had to say that I believed it would damage my mental health. It was humiliating. I had been dealing with so much both physically and emotionally. Yet my decision, “I don’t want a baby”, is criminal. If the government had really given a crap about my mental health then they wouldn’t force me to lie and to treat it like a ‘necessary evil’.

I am so tired of being scared of what other people think. I care about human life. I care about all the lives of the women who have been in my situation; I care about all the girls who one day might be. I wish I could care about a cluster of tissue but it just doesn’t seem to compare to real lives. This law isn’t just about services; it is trying to sit on the fence. You may have an abortion, but you better lie about why you had it. Be thankful we gave it to you. Be ashamed and silent. We need to keep the pro-lifers happy.

I went to the hospital for my procedure. I felt calm; this was the right decision for me. I lay on the table awake as they removed the foetus. I felt no pain, just the constant voice of the nurse holding my hand and keeping me talking. Once it was over I got wheeled to my bed to have a nap before returning home. It was gone.

I lay in bed with a hot water bottle and I cried harder than I ever have. I grieved what I had lost. All the stress, panic and sadness finally released itself. It was a strange emotion. I was relieved and didn’t doubt my decision. Yet I was still sad for what could have been.

I had to guard it as a secret for so long. Then I realised that was what was damaging my mental health. Because it was a decision I made, I felt I couldn’t express all the emotions I was feeling. Some people are so hateful—can you imagine what it is like to be called a murderer by people who have nothing to do with you? I couldn’t understand how this natural and widely accepted choice for women over centuries had become such a taboo subject.

Men have the choice of taking drugs to keep a dick hard for five hours. Yet women still don’t have a drug to fully protect them from getting pregnant. The amount of times I heard the “that baby could have been the next Einstein” was unbelievable. My abortion prevented a special life—could I make the same argument every time a boy leaves his juices in a condom? As a man do you feel guilty tossing your sperm away? When you put on a condom you are actively stopping creating another life.

Not being able to talk about what it is really like to go through an abortion openly confirms the myth that it should be a dirty secret. The idea that I could have a one-year-old now never leaves me. But at the end of the day I still feel that I made the right decision. This is something I should never have to justify or feel the need to hide. It is 2010. Sadly, this doesn’t mean much for feminism. Both Canterbury and Auckland Universities have very active pro-life clubs. These clubs protest to make abortions harder for women.

I am one out of every three New Zealand women who will at some point in their lives have an abortion. And this is one story.

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Comments (42)

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  1. Holly says:

    This made me tear up. I respect your decision.

  2. Hannah says:

    Thanks for sharing this. It sounds like it was really tough, but it’s great that we can talk about abortion in public spaces, and not have to be ashamed!

  3. Kerry says:

    Kelly,
    you have shown a lot of courage and maturity to write about your experience.
    You may still have ‘flashback’ moments when you see a child of the same age as yours might have been; but that does not make you a ‘bad woman’, or incapacitate you from a ‘good motherhood’ experience later in life when you are emotionally, psychologically and financially prepared to parent.

    The pressure from pro-life groups in NZ has got worse in the past decade; many good doctors have stopped being certifying consultants due to pressure from pro-life activists, especially in provincial towns.

    The pro-lifers never talk about abortion as being something women who already have children need, either.
    They always scapegoat the young, and try to put fear into young women’s minds to prevent a ‘first slip’.
    Nobody is running around telling young men, as you said, that “every sperm is precious”, in the immortal words of the Monty Python crew.

    It’s only women who receive the rantings of frustrated fundamentalists, and as women we need to stand together and point out the ridiculous nature of the arguments against a woman’s right to choose for herself.

    Good on you for taking this task on, it’s been a while since anyone wrote this candidly for Salient.

  4. anna says:

    Beautifully written.

    Thank you for reminding me why I’m pro-choice, and reminding me that we really do need abortion reform in New Zealand. While your whole article was really powerful, that you found having to say “having a baby will damage my mental health” so humiliating really struck me, and stayed with me.

    You’re so courageous, thank you.

  5. Ken says:

    In response to Raptor, there are many studies on the complications for women’s health of abortion which mey be viewed on the internet. I would suggest that you have a look at the web site of Dr David Reardon,afterabortion.org There is also an internationally renowned study conducted by Professor David Fergusson of the Canterbury Health and Development study, at the Christchurch School of Medicine.Professor Fergusson is strongly “pro-choice.” In his study he found that 42% of the women in the study who had an abortion had also suffered major depression during the previous four years.Those who had an abortion were also twice as likely to drink alcohol to dangerous levels compared with those who had a live birth, and three times as likely to be dependent on illicit drugs. Those who had an abortion also suffered elevated rates of depression, anxiety and suicidal behaviours. There is increasing evidence that abortions are damaging to women’s spiritual, physical and psycological health.The majority of the members of the pro-life movement are women and some of them have suffered from having an abortion which has resulted in grief,sorrow and regret for the child that they allowed to be destroyed. It is time for a new feminism, ready to hear the message that women around the globe are raising with greater frequency and intensity than ever. That message is:I regret having had an abortion. Abortion and contraception are part of a culture of death, it is against life.It is a culture that has within itself the seeds of its own destruction.A culture of life will ultimately triumph.

    It is a tragedy that this generation has been deceived by the lie that “women have a right to choose” We have all been given free will by our Creator. We have a duty to do good and avoid evil. It is always wrong to kill the innocent, especially the weak and defenceless.Are you aware that Dr Bernard Nathanson MD,founde the National Abortion Rights Action League in the United States in 1973. It was the leading organisation seeking abortion law change.Dr Nathanson had performed 75,000 abortions and invented the slogan “a woman’s right to choose.”and “women must have control over their own bodies.” He experienced a conversion when he saw with his own eyes a scan of a baby desperately trying to avoid the instrument that was seeking to dismember him in his mother’s womb. He also saw the heart beat rise in terror at the threat to his life. Dr Nathanson is now a prominent member of the pro-life movement and is deeply regretful for what he has done to innocent unborn children and for the damage that he has done to women. He now states that he knew that the “women’s right to choose” was a lie and that if they repeated it often enough people would believe it.Nobody has the right to kill another,no woman has the right to kill her own child.Women do have an absolute right to control their own body, no woman should be obliged to be pregnant if she does not wish to be pregnant. That choice should be made by the simple use of the word no which protects the chastity of woman. It would be of great benefit for women at Victoria University if the Salient were to publish an article by a woman who regrets her abortion and wishes to warn others of the suffering that may result from having an abortion. Salient could also do a great deal of good for the student body by promoting a culture of life that recognises that our sexuality is a gift from God to be used exclusively in marriage for the procreation of children and for the happiness of the married couple.Marriage is for the protection of women and her children.

  6. smackdown says:

    ^^^^^^^^^^^
    the worst comment

  7. s says:

    Well Ken let’s hear your experiences of abortion, by all means. What effect did it have on you when your mother aborted you? Do you think it has changed your outlook on life?

  8. Self Righteousness HO! says:

    Ah Ken. It is such a shame that your carer went to get that little bit higher. Mouthbreathing lobotomy patients shouldn’t be on the internet. The internet is, idealogically at least, a haven for the free thinkers and the intelligent.

    In case you missed it, that’s not you.

    Toddle on now. I’m sure there will be some mashed banana and apple waiting for you. And then if you’re really lucky you can recite the song of Solomon while your caregivers friends run a train on you. The Sodomy Express was the title of the Facebook invite.

  9. Shitkicker McGee says:

    If men are behind women’s choices to have abortions, then that means both sides of the debate are being dominated by men. If only they would let women speak. (That means, shut up Ken)

  10. Jordan says:

    i totally agree, and it’s to good to hear someone speaking up, everyone should have a right to make their own choices, we live in 2010, and i can’t believe that people still think that men are better then woman or that they should have more rights.

  11. Ken says:

    In response to McGee it is inappropriate and discriminatory to suggest that men should have no say about the termination of the lives of unborn children.Every child has a father who has the responsibility and privilage of protecting the life of his child and protecting the mother from harm. The killing of unborn children is a violation of the human rights of the child, the foundation right being an inalieanable right to life. This then is a human rights issue that concerns all of the human family, it is certainly not just a women’s issue. The story of kelly is moving and heart rendering it is trajic that she did not receive the help that she and her baby so desperately needed. Underlying her story is a cry for help and forgiveness. It is hoped that she and others in her predicament will find peace of soul through the foregiveness and the mercy and love of God.

  12. Shitkicker McGee says:

    Now you’re just making things up Ken. I didn’t say men shouldn’t have a say. But the final say should always be by the woman.

  13. Electrum Stardust says:

    At the end of the day, Ken would probably say that it is “God” who should have the final say… (?)

    However, while I certainly agree that women should have a larger say than men (whose body is it anyway?), I am not sure that women should “always” have the “final say”.

    If anybody must have the “final say” – er, what about the person who is actually being killed? (Whose life is it anyway?)

    (Not that I am necessarily advocating a legal ban on abortion, mind you.)

  14. kelly says:

    Dear Ken
    I wrote the article, so in reply to your God rant. The Pope used to believe that abortion was permissible within 80 days of conception. It wasn’t until late in the 19th century the Church changed its mind. I don’t think God sent a memo. Anti Abortion became a means of repressing women. Also I had a catholic education. And I believe that the spirit is infinite, it can’t be murdered. But I do agree that there should be more help for young mothers. so since you will never be pregnant and understand what it is like. I suggest you put your goodwill towards campaigning for more government support for young parents and helping the huge amount of children in New Zealand living under the poverty line. These are lives worth saving. But they require real solutions. You you may have to do something other than holding up a hateful slogan.

    ps I talked to God and we are all good

  15. Sando says:

    Kelly, you rock. Just in case you don’t know.

  16. kelly says:

    Question for Ken
    Are you Ken Orr the spokesperson for Right to life New Zealand?

    hmmmmm good to know big brother is always watching.
    I don’t believe you hang out at uni. Or read Salient.
    Looks more like an attack from Right to life. yawn

  17. Nikki says:

    Awesome post. Like extremely awesome. I’ve been wanting to write about my own experience for freaking ever but have been sorta reluctant due to my Dad reading my blog. ha. Mind you, he’s already disappointed because I say “Fuck” a lot… what’s a bit of abortion talk after the atrocity of foul language?

    But apart from bad jokes, thanks so much for sharing your story Kelly. As a woman who has been through a termination and doesn’t regret it in the least, I appreciate it.

  18. Zoe says:

    I’ve had a baby and an abortion. I wasn’t pro choice until I had the abortion and went through much of what you did.

    I spent over a month watching “So I married an axe murderer” because it was the only thing that didn’t remind me of babies, or let me think I was a murderer. I became pregnant less than a year later and kept it.

    If I ever needed more convincing, I am pro choice now I’ve had a baby. Both were absolutely the right decisions. Having and caring for a child is one of the biggest responsibilities we will ever choose to take on.

    Funny how men can ask for a bigger say, and can piss off without so much as a goodbye before the child turns 18. Funny how people who don’t do the dishes or help their wives with the burden of the house feel that they also have a right to how much responsibility their wives should take on in terms of children.

    I’m so, so proud of you, and happy, that your took the time to write this :)

  19. Joan says:

    Mad respect Kelly.

  20. Anna says:

    Thankyou so much for your story Kelly. It shows how absurd and oppressive the law surrounding abortion in New Zealand is. In what other parts of a person’s life is it legitimate for the state to interfere with life choices on the basis of future mental health? And more to the point, why should this consideration of mental health apply differently to men and women, just because women happen to be the ones who get pregnant? The mental health exception just gives credence to arguements coming from people like Ken, who use studies of womens mental health after abortions to try and say they should not be allowed. In practice, it really doesn’t matter what these studies say, as I think that in New Zealand, the relaxed administration of the mental health exception has shown that it really all comes down to the woman’s choice, in her capacity as an informed autonomous being capable of reason and agency (there’s just this little part where she has to lie, and we all turn a blind eye and pretend that’s not happening). But you have shown (as those who share your experience already know)that this is not “just this little thing”, it is in fact deeply harmful and degrading and as Ken has demonstrated, it actually provides a springboard for pro-life idiots to argue from.

    If the law is pro-choice in the ends that it achieves, it nees to be pro-choice in the means to achieving this end. Otherwise the end can be argued to be illegitimate by the Kens of this world.

    Anyway, I think you’re awesome Kelly and you are very brave! I wish I had the guts to speak like you – It’s inspirational that you have, and it’s the only way to bring change.

  21. Some random guy says:

    If you don’t want to have to come to the decision of whether or not to abort the fetus, then don’t have unrpotected sex; it’s THAT simple.

  22. Shitkicker says:

    If it were that simple, probably wouldn’t be any abortions going on…

  23. Some random guy says:

    How is it not that simple? I know we as humans have innate urgres, but there are also measures, simple measures, we can take to ensure acting on these urges do the least possible harm; in this particular case there are two: condoms and the pill. Coming from a Catholic upbring like the author, as well as attending Catholic schools, I know these things aren’t sanctioned by the church, but they’re seen a “lesser sin” than abortion. I’ve read that the pill can have some bad side-effects, so perhaps the rubber is best as the “simple” prevention.

  24. pro-crastinating says:

    Thank you Kelly for your brave and eloquent reflection.

    To some random guy; of course practicing safe sex is important but nothing is ever fool proof. Safe sex can not always stop the instance of abortion, it is just one part of wider sex education which should also include open discussion of abortion.

  25. Alpha says:

    “Safe sex can not always stop the instance of abortion…”

    What?

  26. Liz says:

    i am 18 and my 17-year old boyfriend got me pregnant. He left me and he never found out. Panic got to me before i could even have time to think clearly and consider my options. I had an abortion.That was a few days ago. I isolated myself from all my friends and kept everything secret.

    Then i read this.

    Thank you, kelly :’)

  27. notachoice says:

    While I can sympathise with the many different situations that people go through, and realise that some things are never black and white or easy, it must be stressed that in no case can an abortion be permitted as it is a intrinsic evil. That is, an evil that cannot be justified no matter the circumstances. It can be said that committing bad to bring about good is flawed notion, and the opposite is definitely something I believe. You don’t even need to be influenced by any religious position to see that the killing of an unborn child is murder.

  28. smackdown says:

    “in no case can an abortion be permitted as it is a intrinsic evil. That is, an evil that cannot be justified no matter the circumstances.”

    hey thanks for pointing this out for all of us with no understanding of english ta

  29. Some random guy says:

    To notachoice, what about rape?

  30. Shitkicker says:

    notachoice is actually JK Rowling

  31. smackdown says:

    more like jk rowing away from the right answer amirite

  32. anna says:

    Hey don’t be so hard on somerandomguy – he said he had a Catholic education and so probably wasn’t even told about birth control, let alone the fact that no birth control method has a 100% success rate.

    So yeah, @somerandomguy – not every pregnancy results from unprotected sex. Or even sex – a few unlucky women get preggers when a guy gets some sperm near the pregnancy zone.

    So, somerandomguy, be careful!

  33. Some random guy says:

    Take a stab at my religious beliefs and upbringing, why don’t you? It may suprise you, but my Year 13 Religious Studies class taught us about birth control, abortion, and IVF, from both a scientific AND Catholic viewpoint. My Year 13 Biology class also taught Evolution (from a subjective viewpoint and NOT from a biased Anti-science perspective). That was 2007.

    But, I will concede that I thought condoms, provided they weren’t expired and stayed firmly on the guy’s dick, were foolproof.

  34. Nicola Brooks says:

    A baby is not being killed if a mans sperm is caught in a condom as life only begins at conception and even then there is only one sperm that survives and millions that don’t. A womens egg is also washed away with each period. You have to remember a ovum and a sperm on there own are nothing but transport devices for half the DNA needed to form a human (and they both dye naturally in the body if not used anyway) its only once they joing that a life is formed so it is not murder. Like I said sperm dies in a mans testicals even if he doesn’t ejaculate as sperm don’t live forever.

  35. smackdown says:

    sperm roamed the earth with dinosaur so sorry wrong

  36. somechick says:

    To some guy I totally agree with you. Not only are there condoms and birth control, but now a days we have the after day pill (Plan B), which a girl can take if she knows the method of birth control failed or had unprotected sex.
    I know this because I have used it 4 times (2)while on birth control. You can never be too careful

    I am very aware that I’m am definitely not ready to be a mother (I’m a college student with no money and still dependent on my strict parents) but if I were to ever get pregnant my options would be keeping it or adoption. Never abortion. Why abort if you can give your unwanted baby a loving home with parents who will care about him and love him?

    After I saw a speech about a woman who survived abortion it completely changed my views (her video is attached to this comment). What touched me the most about her speech is when she said, ” If abortion was about woman’s rights then what were mine? There was not a radical feminist standing up and yelling about how my rights were being violated that day, in fact my life was being snuffed out in the name of woman’s rights.” That quote completely opened my eyes!

    If you really don’t want your baby make adoption an option.

  37. somechick says:

    Here is the abortion survivor video title:

    Gianna Jessen Abortion Survivor in Australia Part 1

    *realized it didn’t get attached in my previous comment and links cant be added on here. So just type that title on youtube and you can see the video.

  38. enzedtaffy says:

    I am one of those woman and I believe to a degree I did have a choice but I choose the wrongly… I already had two children – close to teenage years and one of which was going through some very difficult times, the other child has a disablity. Everyone was telling me my obligations was to my two born children not my twins (yes that is right twins – identical too). In the end I went through with it but I have not been able to be a Mum to my two other children since that day – i have been severlly depressed, unable to make new friends (living in a new city) and i now drink heavily where I didn’t before. I was unable to work, study or do anyting really. I started suffering from panic attacks and still do. I miss my babies so much and wish I could go back and make a different decision. It is hard to keep going and just wish things could be different. I keep praying and hoping taht with the right courage I can forgive myself and be the Mum, friend and wife I used to be.
    Btw – I ended up pregant with twins after a failed condom and I then took the morning after pill by no means was I careless doing everything we coiuld to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. Apregnancy in the end I actually loved and wanted but I denied myself through fear and lack of support.

  39. Nikki says:

    Enzedtaffy – I’m really sorry to hear your story. In no way would anyone who believes in choice advocate for an abortion for someone who didn’t want one.

    I would like to see a world where every woman who has an unplanned pregnancy is able to make a choice free from coercion. Women are intelligent enough to consider as many people/issues as needed to make a decision – unfortunately some people take advantage of some people’s vulnerable situations.

    I hope you manage to get the help and support you need to move past your grief.

    somechick – as above, in a world free from coercion, no one should have to regret their decision. I don’t for a second.

  40. Sarah says:

    Thanks for the fantastic article Kelly. To everyone else who says that abortion is always wrong, there are times when abortion is the only right option. I am currently in the early stages of pregnancy and my partner and I were very safe. We were not planning to be pregnant at this stage but accidents do happen. However, I am a carrier of Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy which I can pass on to my children. My brother had the disease and my parents did not know that my mum was a carrier. I have to go through testing to find out if this embryo carries the mutated gene. If it does, I am not prepared to bring a disabled child into the world for it to have a sad and short life. I just feel that it is unfair to knowingly bring someone into the world who has a hard life infront of them, life is hard enough. This means that I will have to go through an abortion for what I believe is a justifiable reason and is the right thing to do.

  41. Behind Auckland Eyes says:

    Dearest Kelly and people involved on this online thread.

    Myself
    First of all, I am 17 year old Girl. I live in Auckland and like many other teenagers I have gone through a few pregnancy scares and have the family that would murder me if I had a bun in the oven. To be honest. They dont even know me, To them Im just a girl, who has no say in the house, has to do there chores, study hard and not just get achieves, never see their friends in the weekends, and always has to say ‘please’ and’ thank you’ and ‘sorry’ and not just say ‘Excuse me’ but say ‘Excuse me PLEASE’ .
    Okay, maybe I dont live a normal Auckland Teen Lifestyle. How many Auckland Teens are afraid of their parents because they get hit for making a small harmless mistake? Like making a phone call to talk to their friends at 8pm just because you ran out of Txt2000 .
    I have a boyfriend who I have been with for a year now, he dislikes my parents and understands my situation.

    Anyway, Now you understand me, and now you can understand my view.

    Male domination
    There is no denying that women are treated equally in modern society or even in mens heads. I am not feminist and do not believe that one day ALL mean should be in the kitchen making a meal of 3-5 and swapping their lives with their partners to clean the house. I believe in Equality of people of all genders, races, and sexual orientations and a stop to domestic and public violence, Yet I do not believe in the political aspect of communism, even though I think of it as a last resort for government corruption. I believe that we should all have rights that balance two peoples perspectives.

    Religion
    I was baptised a catholic, however, I have never been to church since I was 3, I dont wear a cross or say any prayers, my parents are really to be honest not religious at all. And I grew up learning science at school. I believe that if you are religious that is fine, No one is stopping you from believing in God, Jesus, The virgin mary and the saints. I respect that. I believe if you dont like religion and see no point of that, that is fine too. Converting someone to believe in a certian religion without their consent is Illegal anyway.
    This is a horrible similie but compare it to this modern trend facebook and people wanting you to get it when you dont want to.

    My View on abortion?
    Abortion, Its an answer, solution, sometimes the only thing a couple/woman can do. Some views say its against nature and not against nature. When really, at this day and age, when we take pills, get breast enlargements, inhale toxic fume, and consume unhealthy TYPICAL foods, what really is nature? The more we progress into the future, its really hard to define what nature really is. The mind evolves to make solutions like the lightbulb and the vehicle, so wouldn’t this creation benefit us anyway? The evolution of the human mind?
    I believe that telling your partner that you are pregnant with him is essential wheter he wants it or not. But the real decision is down to the woman. This Life, its going to be in her, affect her mentally, physically and practically for the rest of her life. A guy can Fuck off and leave. AND NO, do not say that isnt true, because it is. He could leave after with some other girl and not make the same mistake and may want to come back in a few years when his love child can speak to him and make the triangle of peoples lives into a hollywood film. And I kinda know this from experience, (Sorry for my angry tone of voice before)But seriously, what did I do? Terminate the life. A life, that does not have a mind yet or no sense where it is.

    He was going to run off away, slightly guilty, Im not going to see his face with a few genetic variations of me coming towards me at a playground going ‘Mummy Mummy! Look what I found’ Or ‘Mummy Look at me Look at me!’ No, because times a healer. But memory will be engraved in your mind. I mean, you will get sad with theese thoughts, humans are creative,

    Could this be the next einstein? Would this have made my life any better? CAN I cope with this? Yeah, you get sad after, In fact who wouldn’t. You just destroyed a possibility! But dont think yourself as a killer, can you realy remember yourself as a foetus or a little creature that kicked your mothers inner belly when she was round and waddling around Foodtown getting silent comments from strangers congratulating her or wondering about her or even horrified at her? When the male leaves her, does he go through that when he goes through countdown? No we dont know him, hes just the guy that has the silver car at the front of the warehouse.

    Downstatement,
    Kelly, I do not know you, and I dont think we’ll ever meet in person, and im sorry for making this post ever so long, but I admire you as of course Im not the only one. Abortions are hard to get and the views from many different religions or lifestyles make it even harder, when really the only reason why we need to terminate this life is because we are not ready to make A LIFE COMMITMENT to someone, Its a mothers commitment, a mother cannot abandon her child, thats AGAINST NATURE, THAT IS CRUELTY.
    I know, like many others, know what it feels like to need someone when you need it the most, and I know what its like to have a mother who is alive not be there for you when you are down or hurt, in some cases, she finds out im sad and hurts me more!

    Kelly I appreciate your story. You didnt want a commitment and you only had one solution, abortion. There will be two views of one choice you make, but at the end of the day. ITS YOUR LIFE AND ITS WHAT YOU THINK IS BEST.

  42. Tara says:

    I had a termination 3 months ago. I was 11 weeks pregnant.

    I am happily married with 2 children aged under 5. Our decision to abort was one that both my husband and I made together but also one that we will never forget.

    If we had enough money, enough energy, enough love to keep the baby, we would have. But the truth is – we didn’t have enough, why should a baby be born into a world without ‘enough’?

    I drive past newstead (Garden of memories, where the ‘remains’ are scattered) every fortnight for work & always say a little “Hi” & a “Sorry”. I too feel so guilty & can’t talk about it. No one else knows but us.

    It’s not happening again, I got the IUD inserted at the same time as the op & we are now very, very careful. We want to keep the next baby we plan :)

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