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May 10, 2010 | by  | in News |
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McDonald’s Staff Choke on Slogan

A complaint about a rental van with the slogan “If you love me you would swallow it” has been upheld by the Advertising Standards Authority following complaints from McDonald’s staff.

The van, owned by rental company Wicked Campers, caused a stir when it was parked outside a Hamilton McDonald’s earlier this year.

J Graham complained to the authority on behalf of 60 staff.

“The words used were offensive, disgusting, appalling and the general view was that it had gone too far. Two people felt nauseous.”

Wicked Campers unsuccessfully argued that the slogan simply referred to swallowing emotions, such as “annoyance or anger”.

“Wicked Campers cannot control the filthy minds of the general public who see a few words strung together and instantly think it means something rude and disgusting.”

The Australian branch of the company has received complaints in the past for slogans including “If God was a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate” and “Women are like banks—once you withdraw you lose interest”.

Foot Fetish

A teenager was arrested in Dallas recently after he stole a foot from a graveyard, simply because he wanted it.

The US teen approached police, who had been called to the graveyard at 3.30am, carrying the stolen foot in a bag.

“I dug it up from a nearby grave and took it from a Jew girl just because I wanted a foot.”

The teen has since been charged with theft of a human corpse.

Goin’ Down the Garden to Steal Worms

Karori’s Zealandia eco-sanctuary was the target of a recent theft, when thieves made off with a 100-kilogram worm farm, containing at least 8000 worms.

Senior Constable Dave Ross said at least two people would have been required to carry the farm, the size of which is said to be equivalent to the population of a small town.

“It’s like someone walking in and pinching Levin. That’s not to say Levin people are worms.”

Police believe the worms may be used to fertilise an illegal crop-growing operation.

Waiter, waiter, there’s a pig in my soup!

Scientists in Kazakhstan have developed a pregnancy test-like dipstick to test instantly for the presence of pork in food, popular newspaper Megapolis reported recently.

“When you get your beef patty, cut off a couple of small pieces and drop them in a glass of water. Stir, shake, put the test stick in … In a minute or two you will see the result.”

The development is intended to solve the problem of many meals in the largely Muslim-populated country containing pork, which is banned by Islam.

It is still unclear when the test-stick would become widely available.

Long-term assassination plot foiled

Accusations and conspiracy theories are flying around after the discovery of three and a half tonnes of bricks in the ceiling above the dining room of Government House.

Made to look as if they had been left there following the renovation of a chimney, the bricks were pearched precariously on jousts not strong enough to hold them.

Government House has been home to lavish dinners for world leaders, and of course Queen Liz.

No one is exactly sure who the target of the assassination plot might have been, but Lizzy dined under the bricks in 1954, 1963, 1970 and 1977.

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