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May 31, 2010 | by  | in Opinion |
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The boys of summer have gone

It’s officially winter, boys and girls. It’s fucking shit.

Look outside. No sun, no warm, no comfy. The sky is grey and the ground is wet, so you better check the tread on your shoes. Otherwise you’ll fall over heaps.

Everyone is constantly in a bad mood. Look at their faces. Oh wait, you can’t see them because they are muffled under a scarf and various other woollens. We all put on winter weight, even if it just consists of another layer of clothing. Remember the good old days—in February—when people laughed their way down the street, the sun glinting off their dark glasses, their bare shoulders a lovely shade of sunburnt. Oh god it was good.

I think the fundamental problem with winter is coats. They are too expensive to have a huge variety in your wardrobe, so you end up only buying and wearing one or two. Every time you put on clothes for anything you want to do that involves going outdoors at some point, you are putting the same thing on. It becomes your personality. You are your coat. Last year I was a brown faux fur. This year I want to be huge hooded comfy knit that is somehow waterproof.

Another problem is hibernation. Why would you want to go anyplace when it’s raining? If you have to get out of the house, you might as well just step into your overcrowded wardrobe and see what falls onto your body. Same shoes, as they are the only ones without holes in the bottom. Hair straighteners are completely useless at this time of year. Don’t even bother looking at that mirror, because you’ll just see that same fucking coat again. What’s that? You just got out of your warm bed five minutes ago? You’re not awake yet? Oh yeah, me too.

Winter survival rules:

Number one: Do go out. See your friends. Anywhere you go will probably be warmer than student accommodation anyways.

Number two: Go out and buy five coats, right now, if you can. They last forever and you can always sell them at Ziggurat in future years.

Number three: Get a significant other. They have to like you, no matter what you wear. They can’t complain that you haven’t got in the shower because the walk from bed to bathroom is too cold. They won’t mind seeing that coat again.

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  1. Juliet says:

    Cressy, can you buy me buy five significant others and a coat?

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