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July 19, 2010 | by  | in News |
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LOL NEWS WITH MOLLY McCARTHY

LOL news

EELS ON THE HIGHWAY, CAUSING CONGESTION WHERE THEY CAN

One lane of Auckland’s Southern motorway was closed and traffic diverted on Tuesday after a spillage of eel juice caused the area to become slippery.

Eels were also found in the area, which stretched over 300 metres of the motorway.

It remains unclear where the eels and the eel juice came from.

IT’S FUN TO STAY AT THE Y…

Village People find a need to be down

1970s group the Village People expressed outrage last week at the Young Men’s Christian Association’s decision to change their name from YMCA to ‘The Y’.

“Some things remain iconic, and while we admire the organisation for the work they do, we still can’t help but wonder Y.”

However, chief marketing officer Kate Coleman defended the association’s decision.

“It’s a way of being warmer, more genuine, more welcoming, when you call yourself what everyone else calls you.”

The Village People claim that they will continue to perform the song in its original format, despite the change.

HOLY SHIT! FALL OUT BOY SINGER NOW THIN!

Fall Out Boy lead-singer Patrick Stump left fans stumped when he appeared at a US Climate Rally earlier this year looking remarkably thinner.

The famously chubby star is now almost unrecognisable, with MTV posting a blog on his make-over entitled ‘Upgrade or Unrecognizeable’.

“Call us crazy, but we kinda liked when the pop-rocker had a lil’ more meat on his bones.”

However a straw poll of Salient staffers indicated an overwhelming preference for svelte Stump.

Shame MTV.

PAUL TO MOVE HIS TENTACLES TO GREENER PASTURES
Octo-Oracle calls it a day

Now that the World Cup is over, Paul the octopus will retire from his role as resident oracle at Germany’s Sea Life aquarium, says spokeswoman Tanja Munzig.

“He won’t give any more oracle predictions—either in football, nor in politics, lifestyle or economy.

“Paul will get back to his former job, namely making children laugh.”

Achieving worldwide fame after correctly predicting the outcome of all of Germany’s matches and the final, Paul was arguably the real winner of the tournament, with a perfect record and thousands of fans.

On Monday Paul was presented with a replica gold trophy covered in mussels.

Nom.

SCIENTISTS CRACK CHICKEN/EGG QUESTION

Researchers in Britain believe that they have finally answered the question that many have scrambled to answer—which came first, the chicken or the egg?

The answer came from the discovery of a protein that is necessary for the production of eggshells.

The protein is produced in the hen’s ovaries, so the chicken must have come first, says Dr Colin Freeman of Sheffield University.

“It had long been suspected that the egg came first, but now we have the scientific proof that shows that in fact the chicken came first.”

It remains unclear where the first chicken came from.

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