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October 11, 2010 | by  | in News |
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Salient’s “week that wasn’t” revealed to be true, other news false

In a drunken ramble late on Salient’s final production night or 2010, News Editor Molly McCarthy revealed that for he eleven issues she’d been in charge of, most of the news section had in fact been falsified.

“Week That Wasn’t!” she slurred, “More like week-that-all-I-could-actually-be-fucked-researching! LOL!”

When quizzed by fellow Salienteers, McCarthy admitted that for most issues, the section labelled ‘Week that Wasn’t’ was in fact the only section of the news that was true. In most cases, the other six pages of news were written late on the magazine’s Thursday production nights, with little regard for journalistic integrity or indeed the truth. From what staffers could gather, many of these stories were written while under the influence of some description of illicit substance.

McCarthy spent most of the rest of her time researching off-the-wall stories for the Week That Wasn’t. Her
investigative piece about the UK Leaders’ slumber party was dismissed by most major news sources because of its classification as false news.

“Why did I do it?! Why? For the lols, it was all for the lols,” she burped.

“Every week people would think it was real, and people who thought it was false would laugh at them. But I would have the last laugh, cause I said it was fake, but it was all real. ALL REAL!”

Editor Sarah Robson was disappointed that McCarthy had let these international news pieces go to waste simply or ‘the lols’.

“Goddammit, we could have bagged ourselves another ASPA if only she’d revealed that an Upper Hutt girl
ACTUALLY WAS immaculately impregnated with Justin Bieber’s baby.”

Salient will now have to provide the university, students and VUWSA with an official apology regarding all the fake news that was published under the guise of real news.

VUWSA President Max Hardy was disappointed with the revelation.

“To think I was worried sick every week about how Iwould come across to my students in the news section of Salient! I was sure I hadn’t said half of the stuff they had quoted me on… Although as president, it is hard to keep track of the genius I come up with on a daily basis.”

Salienteers will now undertake a review to ensure that the incorrect stories on the magazine’s website are rectified, which appears to be a daunting task. Just how many of the stories were complete bullshit remains unknown, as McCarthy was unable to provide an official figure by the time Salient went to print.

“Shit the bed! I don’t know, don’t ask me, I need a nap,” she mumbled, curling up on the office’s fluoro cock bear and proceeding to snore loudly for the duration of production night.

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