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October 11, 2010 | by  | in Opinion |
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They’re just the facts of life biarch

I have deliberately left the most important message for last this year. Everybody that loves you, loves you boots and all. Why do your friends occasionally give you disdainful looks? And why do you get the feeling that the people you work with loathe seeing you? Chances are, you’re being a dick.

Try this:

For a week, assume that every person you come into contact with, including yourself and service staff, is the nicest person you ever could meet. They are mild-mannered and want the best for everyone they come into contact with. Every time you or anyone else acts in a ‘negative’ way (is rude, cuts you off, refuses a request, ignores someone etc), put yourself in their shoes and blame the outside world. Then blame it on yourself somehow. If you get a few different people treating you the same way, or get similar reactions relatively constantly, chances are you’re being a cunt about something, so work out what it is and why.

Cut some slack for those with more on their plate. In a family you coordinate between Mum, kids, and Dad. Kids come first. A child’s life is turned upside down if Uncle Leroy turns up at the last minute (again) and invites you all out for brunch. Families have structure and routine—kids can’t spend the day doing what you want to do. They have immediate needs and it’s the parents’ job to fulfil them. Give your friends with
families some respect—give at least three days notice of changes of plans or visits, ask how long visits should be, don’t expect a tired family towait on you hand and foot and never use the lines “I’m so tired” or “I know how you feel”. You don’t. Accept that Mum and Dad’s life does not revolve around you, or even
them, anymore. Something very similar can be said of people in relationships. Of course their partner is more important than you—that’s why they’re in a committed relationship.

Develop a good work ethic. You’re hungover? You can get through the shift so turn up and get sent home if they feel they can do without you. Stop being a crybaby.

You have (relatively) no worries in the world. You don’t make enough money this week, you can (relatively)
happily get through the weekend with no food, and still find some alcohol. This is not the case in the real world, when your business and/or family depend on you. I’m not saying grow up too soon, I’m saying balls up when you need to, and show some empathy to those living in the real world. Families and business owners
rarely get to shotgun a can of Red Bull and work an extra five hours, because they can’t afford to crash after those five hours. Life is ongoing for them, and doesn’t end after exams or Fridays.

The most important things socially are to treat yourself and those around you well, and to mind your Ps and Qs. Thank people for their help, even if they meant well but failed, even if they didn’t mean well but succeeded. Apologise for lateness or misunderstandings. Ask people how they are, and try to care about the response. Send courtesy texts and emails to confirm receipt and meeting times. Because even if you are a dick, caring about those around you will make you a better-liked one.

Have a great summer everyone. Go and be carefree, just not at anyone else’s expense.

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Comments (12)

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  1. YY says:


    I wish you hadn't left this for last.

  2. Zoe says:


    I've been writing it in my head a while. Byebye Salient 2010 :(

  3. Mayana says:

    Hi Zoe im interested in utilising your writing talents for a new magazine that im putting together could you please get in touch with me when and if you have time –, cheers Mayana.

  4. Miller says:

    Hi Mayana,
    I’d like to apply for the position of internet troll on your magazine’s website.


  5. smackdown says:

    yeah rack off miller this is my house

  6. Zoe says:

    Only if Smackdown doesn’t mind.


  7. smackdown says:

    i dont mind anything im a free thinker

  8. Zoe says:

    Free thinking and cheap thinking aren’t the same thing :D

  9. smackdown says:

    dont be a rude crude dude

  10. Zoe says:

    Forgiviness prease

  11. Miller says:

    smackdown you’re not my reference anymore. :(

  12. smackdown says:

    whys everyone ganging up on smackdown :-(

    bullies wont be tolerated stay cool go to school

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