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February 21, 2011 | by  | in News |
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The Week That Wasn’t – First Year Attacks Mature Student No logical reason apparent

In a surprisingly long-awaited first for Victoria University of Wellington, a first-year student has punched a mature student in the face in a fit of rage.

Herm Tidsregning punched mature student Julian Hirsch, 47, in the nose during a lecture for ‘Introduction to Things Pertaining to the World in General’.

Tidsregning, tired of Hirsch’s occasional asking of totally reasonable questions, admitted “I just totally lost it.”
“You constantly hear complaints about how some mature students get the class off-track but no one ever does anything about it,” he says in justification of his clearly irrational actions.

Hirsh was thoroughly upset by the incident.

“I simply don’t understand what I did wrong,” says Hirsch.

“I was simply finding out which of the two concurrent tutorials that were both listed to take place in MY 106 was actually going to take place there. Suddenly the young man came flying at me.”

The incident occurred in front of a full lecture theatre of shocked students.
“It was pretty buzzy. Yeah, real buzzy,” says one student.

“Yeah, it looked like he was gonna go apeshit. It was so crackup,” another said.

Witnesses agree that had someone under the age of 30 asked the question, it probably would have invoked far less rage in Tidsregning.

Mature students are often known for spending close to a minute asking if the class will be using Blackboard, or seeking clarification on important information that the lecturer has inadvertently glossed over.

Despite such anecdotal evidence, a recent study on lecture-based time wastage has found no overall trend of older students wasting more time than younger students.

This seems to be at odds with general student opinion.

“I just hate them. They’re so… old.” Tidsregning admitted. “And they’re always, like, taking notes and being attentive students. It’s like they don’t even know what uni is for: getting totally mashed at the Kumara and shit.

“They even hand their assignments in on time. What’s up with that?”

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