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March 21, 2011 | by  | in Opinion |
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Ask Constance

My boyfriend and I each wrote a list of fantasies we might try out. One of his was for me to film myself peeing and pooping … he’s a normal guy but is this weird?

You missed a sweet opportunity for a pseudonym, so I’m gunna call you Pooper.

Pooper, It depends on what you mean by normal and weird. Scat or coprophila (pooping fetish) and golden showers or urolagnia (peeing fetish) are not considered to be mainstream triggers of arousal, but they’re also not uncommon. They’re both categorised as ‘paraphilias’ which are things/situations of atypical sexual arousal. There are nastier things categorised as paraphilias, but so are common BDSM behaviours, and up until 1973 homosexuality was a paraphilia. So if you do any research, don’t be too freaked out by labels.  

Whatever you do, don’t make your boyfriend feel weird about disclosing this. It was probably really hard for him to do, seeing as for the most part people think of poop and go “ew”. You don’t have to be over the moon and crack out your cellphone next time you take a dump (unless you want to), but it might do some serious damage to his trust and future communication around sex and arousal if you react too negatively. Thank him for opening up to you, and tell him you’ll have a think about it.

Now seriously have a think about it. You have to do what you and only you are comfortable doing. Sexual fetishes that are left of centre are all well and good as long as they involve voluntary, informed, consenting adults. Try and be open minded—maybe you’re not keen on being filmed (there has to be a lot of trust around filming), but you might be comfortable with some parts of it. Maybe pooping is too far for you, but you’d pee on him in the shower or something. Wee is pretty sterile and ammonia-filled for the most part.

That said, If you know you’re not into it, and you are not willing to experiment with it at all, then don’t let him pressure you into doing something you don’t feel right about. If he can tell you’re not into it, but he still wants you to do it, shut it down. There should be nothing less arousing than someone doing something they hate. Power play is normal in the bedroom; for instance BDSM relationships with humiliation/degradation have willing partners who get off on their respective dominance or submission. But this is very different to doing something you hate because you feel you should, and having your partner getting off regardless. That is just creepy.

Have a long hard think about what you are comfortable with and why. If it grosses you out, is it because you are truly grossed out by him seeing you poop? Or is it because it’s a bit different and you think you should be grossed out? Be honest with what you’re comfortable with in a way that doesn’t shame him for telling you his fantasy.

And kudos for the list writing. It might open up some interesting doors for your sex life, even if it’s not the bathroom door.

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