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March 7, 2011 | by  | in Opinion |
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Ask Constance

I love giving head, I love getting head, and luckily my BF likes both too. But when I asked my BF about it he said that I was the only girl he’d been with who would go down—even the ones who demanded he went down weren’t up for giving it back. Why do people have so many hangups about oral sex?

Well Latoya—kudos for the sweet (presumed) pseudonym BTW—it’s because people are selfish losers with hygiene hang-ups, most of the time. I’m glad you and your boyf share the oral love, but seeing as you asked about others I’m gunna dedicate this one to those less fortunate.

Genitals are fun to play with, right? Having them liked, kissed, sucked, bitten (gently, for fuck’s sake), are also all nice things. But putting your mouth around a cock and sucking isn’t always a walk in the park. Figuring out how to please your partner and balance jaw-lock and your gag reflex can be really intimidating.

With the ladies, it’s the same. Navigating how to lick her to orgasm (or just to titillation) without getting tongue cramp can be difficult. And usually once there’s some oral action the juices start flowing, which may be a bit much for people who were intimidated to start
off with.

Let me start the advice with this one: Pussies are supposed to taste like pussies, and cocks are supposed to taste like cocks. Decent, self-aware people should spruce up a little down there if they know they’re about to get lucky, but on the whole genitals are not supposed to taste or smell like jungle rain. So deal with it.

Having your funbits licked by someone you find pretty sexy is generally a really big turn on, so just start there. When people get aroused, they get wet—be it come, pre-come, pussy juice or female ejaculation. These are good, fun things. Take a deep breath, dive in, and trust me, you will be fine. If someone is truly unhygienic then don’t hesitate to say something. Let them know you’re keen to keep going, but currently it’s not the nicest place to be. They’ll understand, and if they don’t—shut it down.

Once you’re at it let them know you can take some direction, and be receptive to what they say/when they seem to enjoy some things more than others. You may need to take a few breaks if your mouthparts start to seize up, but that’s normal. Keep it fun and light, you’re not starring in a movie. If you fuck up, or if they accidentally kick you in the head in a fit of pleasure, just laugh it off and keep having fun. Also, if they end up in a fit of pleasure, you Go Glen Coco. If they don’t, they probably had fun anyway (see: genitals are fun to play with). Just keep at it.


Constance Cravings

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Comments (5)

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  1. Anon says:

    Ooooooooh this makes me happy.

  2. Clement McBigglewaddle says:

    In your pants?

  3. DDumbass says:

    It’s always nice to see articles formed to dispel idiocy in intimacy or relationships in any kind of media. Thank you Constance. :3

  4. Ally says:

    Can’t decide if I like the Glen Coco reference best or if I am most enamored with my new catch phrase: “On the whole genitals are not supposed to taste or smell like jungle rain”


  5. Yancy says:

    Cool! That’s a clever way of looikng at it!

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