Burrito Bandit and His Fifty-Cent Prize
A man was involved in a three-and-a-half hour stand-off shooting at a SWAT team inside a Taco Bell a week ago. He pulled a gun on the manager of the fast-food restaurant in San Antonio, Texas because of a 50-cent price rise on his favourite beefy crunch burrito. His name was Ricardo Jones! Luckily, no-one was hurt.
Pete the Penguin Plays with Pilot, Passengers
Star of San Diego Sea World, Pete the South American Magellan Penguin was recently allowed to walk around in between the legs of the passengers during a 90-minute flight—just because. He was flying from San Francisco where he had appeared at a national science convention, back to his hometown of San Diego. The joke of course being, that penguins can’t fly.
Local Bank Robber Taking Control of Financial Situation
A bank robber in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania has been identified by a bank teller in the bank he tried to rob. Tthe robber was given away by his own bank account, which he opened with his full name, minutes before he pulled a gun on the teller. He used the cover of filling out a bank account application form before revealing that the real reason he was there was to steal money.
Moonves Wants Sheen, Sheen Wants
Charlie ‘Tiger Blood’ Sheen, fired from Two and a Half Men mostly for having a porn star family, is now readying himself for a world tour of his stage show, which promises to be the ramblings of a mad man. However, CBS President and CEO Les Moonves apparently wants Sheen back after hearing that Sheen has been in talks with FOX Networks Groups regarding a potential late-night talk show.
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Russians Use Beer as Mixer
Only last week, in the lower house of Russian Parliament, legislation was passed to classify beer as an alcoholic beverage. In the past, due to the dominance of the vodka industry, beer was considered to be more like a soft drink.
In Spartanburg County, South Carolina last week, a man was strip-searched and found to be carrying a large white rock of crack cocaine in a plastic bag between his butt-cheeks. While we shouldn’t really be laughing about the proliferation of crack cocaine on the streets, we should be laughing about the news headline in local paper “Strip Search Finds Crack Between Buttocks”.