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March 21, 2011 | by  | in Opinion |
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Peas and Queues – Wax On, Wax Off

A bikini wax is a distressing experience. Having your pubes ripped out by hot wax being yanked at by a well-meaning beauty therapist while she unloads the day’s gossip on you is mortifying to say the least. For many years I was unable to
see the same waxer twice because the humiliation was just too much.

One bikini wax I had, on a certain Pacific island that shall remain unnamed, took 40 minutes and three teenagers conferring together in Pidgin English to get the job done. To my horror, I was offered a mirror to inspect their work afterward. Another experience, this time in small town New Zealand, had me completely stripped bare because the waxer was unexpectedly an old high school acquaintance and I was too embarrassed to communicate to her that I wanted ‘sides and back’, not a Brazilian, so off it came.

Ladies (and gentlemen, if you’re that way inclined)—this doesn’t need to happen to you. Believe it or not, there are professionals out there who do it quickly, with minimal pain, and that allow you to keep your dignity intact. Here are a few tips on how to find that magic bikini wax.
Fork out for a professional. Don’t bother trying to do it yourself; it’s still embarrassing. A professional job is faster, less painful and more effective.

Ask your friends or family for recommendations. No need for awkward conversations with your Mum about ingrown hairs, just ask her if there’s a ‘beauty therapy’ place she likes.

Don’t be shy about going to check out a place before you make an appointment. You’re looking for a place that is clean and light and, most of all, that you feel comfortable in.

You should also be looking for an outfit that oozes professionalism. If it’s staffed by scatty girls that would rather do each other’s nails than help you out, probably not a good one. If they smirk or giggle when you tell them what you need, move on to the next one. You should be the only one doing the nervous giggling during a wax.

Double-dipping. When talking about chips and dip, I’m the kind that thinks that the practice is okay. When it comes to waxing, absolutely not. Unfortunately, there is no law that says that your beauty therapist cannot re-melt and then re-use that hot pot of pink wax on 12 different unsuspecting customers. The practice is frowned upon, but not illegal. Some think they’re just doing right by the environment. But with re-use comes all sorts of nasty germs, so it’s a definite no-no. Ask.

If you find a good one, stick with her. It’s taken me awhile to realise that my waxer doesn’t care that she’s looking at my jaxie. She, in fact, sees several a day and thinks nothing of it. So when you find one that offers you rescue remedy before you start, and tells you to breathe when she’s about to yank, re-book.

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