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April 4, 2011 | by  | in Opinion |
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Vice Prez (Welfare)

Fast approaches the winter of our discontent (fuck, I’m so literary). As the evenings grow darker and the nights colder, I weep quietly into my bowl of gruel, crippled by the prospect of endless days without the sun and lonely nights spent cuddling my pillow. The only thing that staunches the flow of my tears is the thought that, despite the season, students at Victoria University will be well provided for by their Students’ Association.

The team at VUWSA has a range of services to help you brave the harsh months ahead.
Weak by nature, I was a regular victim of the flu as a child. While you all have much stronger constitutions than I, getting a flu vaccination is the best way to prevent yourself from becoming ill. Even if you are a raw dog and don’t give a fuck about getting seriously diseased, you could expose the virus to your friends, elderly people, or even small children. The flu vaccines will be available at the Kelburn campus next week. Head over to level 2 of the Student Union Building from 11.30 am to 1.30 pm on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday to dose up. Because you’re worth it.

For those of you with a penchant for studying late in the library and a healthy suspicion of walking home at night, our Campus Angels will soon be available to walk you to the nearest bus-stop or taxi stand. The service will kick off on the 25th of April, and information about specific locations and times will be available soon on our website. The service is free, and so is the angelic banter.

Winter can be a difficult time when trying to feed oneself. It’s really hard to forage in the bushes for tasty roots and grubs when it’s raining outside, not to mention an affront to your dignity. If you find yourself in this situation, there’s help available. Come past the VUWSA office between 12 and 2 pm on a weekday to apply for, and collect, a foodbank parcel. For the bargain hounds amongst you, we have free bread available from 9 am on Wednesday and Friday outside the VUWSA office. Thrifty.

On the topic of thrift, when I was a child, times were hard. As though trapped in a Dickensian nightmare, I was fed gruel daily before the long walk to school. In retrospect, it might have been porridge and sugar, but that didn’t stop me from accusing my parents of wilful neglect. All I wanted was Coco-Pops and love. So here’s my advice: if you want your flat to be as efficient as a 19th century workhouse full of malnourished orphans, start serving gruel.

Asher’s Recipe for Gruel Delight:
• Mix three dessertspoons of oats with one pint of water.
• Boil for ten minutes.
• Add a pinch of salt (it brings out all the flavour) and serve.

This traditional recipe is perfect for every meal of the day, and even special occasions. Gruel freezes well, so you can also make ice-blocks. Who would want coffee in the morning instead of gruel-on-a-stick? Not I.
Asher Emanuel

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