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August 15, 2011 | by  | in Opinion |
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Ask Constance

Hi Constance,
My boyfriend really wants me to deep throat him, and so do I, but when I try my gag reflex kicks in and I find myself unable to do it.
The other night I managed to get him past my gag reflex but then I felt like I couldn’t breathe and panicked.Do you have any tips or suggestions that could help me get all the way down?
Thanks heaps,
Still only half way down…

Hey lovely, you are not the first person to send me this question so I will answer for all those who have asked deep throat or ‘how do I give a good blowjob’ questions.

Firstly, your gag reflex is there for a reason. It is your friend. Real talk—I don’t have a gag reflex and although it’s a nifty party trick, it also means if I ever have too much to drink and want to have a wee vom I absolutely cannot. Don’t envy those without gag reflexes because what it has in porn star quality it lacks in practicality. The reason why you freak when something passes your gag reflex is because you’re not supposed to have solids that far down your throat. It’s a warning sign.

If you want to give the illusion of his cock going deep into your mouth, relax your throat and the back of your mouth and (this is key) find a good angle. One that allows them full access smoothly in and out of your mouth and to the beginning of your throat and take it slowly. Start shallow and build up to pushing it further if you feel comfortable. If you don’t feel comfortable, then a brother is going to have to live with it. Wrapping your lips around his cock should feel nice enough and most people are not never-ending cock-sockets. If your eyes are watering, you’re probably not having fun.

As for all the questions on how to give good head, it is different for everyone. Try different things—speeds, depths, paying the head attention, paying the shaft attention, paying the balls attention, blah blah blah. Get him to let you know what is working for him and just go from there. This is going to sound awfully Cosmo Sealed Section but the ‘pretend it’s a lollypop’ thing is actually pretty good advice in the sense that if you’re really enjoying it and getting into it, it will be fun all round. When you are entering into a new relationship/encounter with someone, it probably pays to not expect them to enjoy what your last partner did. Just be enthusiastic and creative and see where it takes you.

As for specific tongue trick suggestions, I could teach you but I’d have to charge.
Also lovelies please remember that not everyone likes getting head, not everyone likes giving head, and the fact that blowjobs, more so than pussy-eating, are expected sexual acts, can be pretty pressuring for people who aren’t sure about it. Take it easy. Have fun with it. Be open about what you enjoy and don’t feel bad about what you don’t enjoy.

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