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August 15, 2011 | by  | in Features |
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Girl Sex 101

In my short and recent career as a comfortable dyke-inclined human being, I am yet to encounter any real social aversion to my girly tendencies.

Maybe it’s because lady-loving is the pop culture flavour of the month, maybe it’s because the ‘two chicks’ thing tends to drain the blood from the prejudice-capable areas of the male anatomy. For whatever reason, I haven’t had any really scarringly bad experience, and I know I’m lucky. I haven’t even been subject to that elusive, indie ‘wer-kewl-coz-we-knw-lesbos’ social exploitation (which, for the record, I am totally up for. Call me.) As a place for the lady-gays, we’re doing alright for ourselves. So high-five, Wellington.

In lieu of negativity, however, the outing of my sexuality hasn’t been exactly met with positivity either. In fact, I couldn’t count on two hands the amount of times the subjects of my honesty are just plain old confused. Not ignorant. Not misunderstanding. Confused. Everyone knows what a lesbian is. They know what it culturally, socially and sexually entails. But 90 per cent of the time, y’all just don’t get it. Sex without a penis? God forbid. I blame the hetero-normative high school sex ed system—which for me is completely ironic—our sex ed was run by the PE department; I don’t think there was a straight between them.

This is how it usually happens. They’ve had a few pints. They’re straight as a pin. They saunter over and with varying levels of drunken or embarrassed vocabulary, say “I’m sorry, but I don’t get it. Like… how do you guys, like … do it?? And they’re usually told a combination of fuck off, google it, or come round later and find out. So I figure I’ve spent long enough avoiding the dreaded question. Here it is: a short and sweet guide to gay and girly sex.

There are three main sex acts us lady-lovers typically engage in—the first and foremost of which are digital (or finger fucking) and oral. These two are by far the most popular and come in some lovely positional variations. Just like anything, however, there is a bit of knack to ‘em, but with enthusiasm, short nails, and a half-arsed idea of where the clitoris is—hint: at the top, doofus—I’m sure you’ll do just fine.
However, as primary lesbian sex positions, these acts do tend get a bit of flak as apparently ‘mutual masturbation’ isn’t sex as much as it is foreplay. And to this I say, “boo”. I will put good money on the fact most lesbianical sexy times are more mutual and more titillating (heh) than many a full-blown pedestrian hetero-pounding, thank you very much.

But, on that note, there are a handful of positions in which two girls can simultaneously get off with a motion akin to that of heterosexual sex. These come under the illustrious umbrella of Tribadism—a fancy term for bump-and-grind. The most well known position of which is “scissoring” (both leaning back, legs interlinked); then there’s “the student” (dyke missionary), “tribbing” (someone on top), “the pearl” (both sitting up, legs hugging) and spooning. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Tribadism is, however, less popular then one might think. While saying that it works ‘just fine’ would be all kinds of understatement, many ladies, myself included, find that other means of sexy-times are often a little more rollicking, if you know what I mean.

Finally, just to clarify a nasty myth that swam my way, toys and man-junk lookalike accessories, while absolutely optional (just as they are in any other kind of relationship), are anything but essential to girl-on-girl relations: damn you cock-centrist hetero culture. This is not to imply, however, that these options are not perfectly valid and wonderful fun, but I am certainly not alone in the opinion that penile-esque penetration shouldn’t be held up as the ultimate pinnacle of all sexual experience and that the versatility and well, dexterity, of lacking these are all but detrimental.

So! Yeah. Girl sex is awesome. You should try it. And now you know how. Yay!

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