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September 25, 2011 | by  | in Features |
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Rules by which I live my urban life (as inspired by Andy Warhol)

1. Wear sunglasses, meteorology regardless.
2. Read books on art by artists—they have something in common.
3. Kiss strangers often.
4 .Never refuse a cigarette from an addict.
5. Sing quietly in public, loudly in private, and soon you’ll find the two get confused.
6. Jazz piano is impressive; but only if you can play something else.
7. Ask too many people out for coffee and lose the ideal date scenario.
8. Teach children to read by reading books yourself; your embryos shall be eternally grateful.
9. Resist house plants—they’re like pets but without the pet factor.
10. Red meat.
11. Name your children something easy to forget and save them years of bullying at school.
12. If I had wanted fruit tea I would have defrosted some raspberries and put them in water.
13. Go to the theatre, at least the company is beautiful.
14. Suffer from the Modern Condition and recover by routine online shopping.
15. Rain is nature’s form of weeping; I suppose it’s having a shit day too.
16. Repetition is always an admirable quality—the action itself may prove otherwise.
17. Delight in punctuation. The semicolon is a privilege, not a right.
18. When I mention Homer I hope the right one comes to mind.
19. The unisex tee shirt is the ultimate symbol of the latter twentieth century.
20. There will always be an appropriate thing to say. Say it. But in txt.
21. Use personal pronouns in essays; it makes us think you care.
22. Always stand by an opening at parties as you never know when escape may be necessary.
23. Drink milk and then smile. If the calcium doesn’t improve your teeth, actually using them will
24. Never mind I’ll find someone like you.
256. Things to keep on you at all times: an iPad. It has everything else you need, anyway.

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