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April 23, 2012 | by  | in Opinion |
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Roxy Heart

Trigger warning: Please note that Roxy often deals with sensitive subjects and is this week discussing rape pornography.

Roxy I have a problem. I am a young man studying at Vic and I’ve got a secret. You see, I have discovered that I am really into rape porn. Like, seriously REALLY into it. While it’s not the only thing that gets me off, it’s definitely the hottest stuff I’ve found. I’ve also started having rape fantasies, and this is really bad, some of them are about female friends I know. Am I a shit person? Should I stop doing it? I know I’d never actually act on my fantasies, but it’s still really scary.

page23image114840Help, Scared 

Roxy

There are quite a few issues here, so Roxy’s going to spend some time pulling them apart. But rest assured, Scared, that you’re not a “shit person”: an actually bad person wouldn’t be having the grade-A freak-out you are having about enjoying rape porn.

Anyway, let’s start with the fantasies. The whole point of a fantasy is that it is a form of sexual experience founded entirely on the unreal. They are, by their very definition, fantastic: they involve idealised situations where only the “good” part of the sexual act is experienced, a fact that is always in the back of our minds. People can have fantasy sex with their mothers without the risk of freaky-incest babies, or with horses without the threat of getting their heads kicked-in, or with their POLS101 lecturer without the threat of social ostracism. These are things we would never do in real life, but are happy to do in the idealised, sanitised, unreal spaces in our mind.

People also seem generally pretty good at separating fantasy from reality. For example, you have probably had violent daydreams without ever actually going out and being recreating them. In a fundamental way, then, fantasising about raping someone is not a genuine expression of a desire to rape: it can just be the manifestation of desires for dominance, control, BDSM, or myriad other elements of the “rape scene” that don’t involve breaching the consent of a living, breathing human being.

In other words, rape fantasies and rape porn don’t mean you’re a rapist.

However, the fantasies about your female friends are going to be much more controversial. Roxy is of two minds on this. On the one hand, including your female friends in your sexual activities (even if it’s just you and your hand) is kinda nasty, and probably a bit abusive of them. On the other hand, as far as abuses of other people go, nasty fantasies probably rank lower than gossiping about them, or calling them a bad name while drunk or any of the other shit things people do to each other a regular basis. Really, you should stop it, but Roxy isn’t going to treat you like shit just because you do it. Still, eww.

To be clear though, all of the above is based on the assumption that you are just a normal guy who happens to have a kink for what’s shown in “rape porn”. If you begin to notice any problems with how you treat women in real life, or hear about bad behaviours you might have, particularly after a few drinks, it’s important to take stock. Destructive impulses can be combated; it’s just a matter of recognising when they’re genuinely there. My gut instinct is that here, they are not.

Oh, and a final comment on rape porn generally. Roxy is a pretty liberal gal, and so while rape porn is kinda tacky and gross, she doesn’t have a raging feminist hate-boner for it. That’s not to say that rape culture is not a serious societal issue, but Roxy is not convinced that the tiny minority of porn that depicts “rape” contributes much to that culture compared to the negative depictions of female sexual agency that pervade every aspect of mainstream culture.
Roxy <3

Prudence

Prudence is no more. The column was birthed in controversy, bringing both the queer and religious communities together in mutual antipathy, and has now run its course (and been run out of town). Prudence would like to thank his (because, yes, Prudence is actually a gay man) fans who have enjoyed some occasionally successful humour about taboo topics. A final thanks goes to Salient for their support of an author surprised by the impact of his words.

Vir prudens non contra ventum mingit. Xoxo, for the last time,
Prudence.

If you have issues or concerns that you wish to discuss privately and confidentially with a professional, rather than a magazine columnist, Student Counselling Service can provide a safe place to explore such aspects of your life. The service is free and confidential. Phone 04 463 5310. Email counselling-service@vuw.ac.nz. Visit Mauri Ora, Level 1, Student Union Building. 

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About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

Comments (1)

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  1. fuck me, prue says:

    I love prue, bring that bitch back.

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