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April 23, 2012 | by  | in News |
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The Week That Wasn’t

BLINK 182 IS PLAYING EVERYWHERE, ALL THE TIME— DEAR GOD WHY WON’T IT STOP?

Students returning to Victoria University following the mid-trimester break were surprised to hear the song ‘Mutt’ by rock band Blink 182 playing over loudspeakers everywhere they went. It is playing constantly in tutorial rooms, lecture halls, in all the bathrooms and throughout the libraries.

The motion to extend the university’s loudspeaker system and have ‘Mutt’ play on loop—all the time—without end—was pushed through by Vice-Chancellor Nat Malsh after he saw American Pie: Reunion two weeks ago. In his office and wearing a “Malshinator” t-shirt, Malsh said “It really was the warm apple pie of cinema. After the movie, I immediately rented the rest of [the American Pie films]. I’m addicted.”
Many are disgruntled with his decision. “He’s gone absolutely crazy” said one student “I’ve heard rumours that he pauses while shaving and tells himself that he is the bomb”. Malsh explained that this is part of a new initiative to create an American college atmosphere. But University Council minutes reveal that other members were worried the choice of song would encourage students to take spontaneous road trips during term time, without considering the impact they could have on their academic performance.

At least one student has already embarked on a road trip, but Malsh is adamant Blink 182 did not inspire it. He speculates the trip is the result of the male student trying to recover a home made porno he sent to his long distance girlfriend of himself and another girl.

Malsh did concede that perhaps another song could be added to the playlist, suggesting Matt Nathanson’s cover of ‘Laid’ as the best possible choice. Malsh told Salient that “this bed is on fire with passion and love. The neighbors complain about the noises above”.

Those with offices below Malsh’s admitted that the noise from his office was irritating at times but “it is mainly his singing” that is most bothersome. “He doesn’t even have a bed up there” said one staff member.

Malsh wanted Salient to make it clear that Mrs. Malsh does not make him mess around with gender roles nor does she dye his eyes and call him pretty.

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