April 30, 2012 | by  |
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The Week That Wasn’t

Your flatmate reckons he could fight a war if he had to.

Salient has heard that your flatmate “could totally fight a war if [he] had to”. The comment was made by Aaron McCoy as you both watched Band of Brothers on Tuesday evening. Horrifying screams emanated from the television.

You tried to point out the countless tragedies of war and the mental pressure under which millions never recovered.

“I dunno man, like, I’m not saying I want it to happen or anything. But if there was one I’d volunteer in a heartbeat. I reckon I’d be good at that forest warfare shit.” Said Auckland raised McCoy.

It was reported that as he got up to turn the heater on, you pointed out the freezing conditions under which Captain Winters and his company had to operate.

But it is well known that McCoy sometimes experiences a wave of hopelessness as he walks home alone from Burgerfuel at 3am in the morning; a sense of loneliness in an ever expanding universe.

He can feel what those guys were going through, he feels it deep. He’s familiar with the bitter chill of a cold wind. Sure,

they marched for days and maybe they didn’t have peanut satay with a kumara chip upgrade, but he knows what it was like over there. He knows.

You refused to rent DVDs with him again.

According to sources, McCoy often catches a glimpse of his reflection in shop windows. Man he’d look good in uniform he thinks. He concludes he’d probably be an officer; others would need his leadership.

McCoy agreed to go to an ANZAC memorial service with you the next morning.

Another flatmate declined to comment on McCoy’s claims but she did say that she was “sick of your dumb shit arguments” and wanted to know “why can’t you bitches argue while you clean the fucking dishes? Fuck you.”

As of Wednesday afternoon McCoy, who failed to get up in time for the service, was watching television show House.

“I could totally become a doctor if I wanted to.”

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