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May 28, 2012 | by  | in News |
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LOL News

WIGGLES’ BIG RED CAR TRADED IN FOR YOUNGER MODEL

Internationally-renowned children’s entertainers The Wiggles rocked Captain Feathersword’s boat last week when they announced a radical change in line-up to the four-piece technicoloured gang.

Jeff Fatt (purple), Murray Cook (red) and Greg Page (yellow), who were founding members of the group, will retire from their performance roles, leaving only Anthony Field (Blue) to make fruit salad (yummy, yummy).

Fortunately replacements have already been chosen to fill the empty positions, including 20 year old back-up dancer Emma Watkins, who will bring gender diversity to the yellow skivvy, and single- handedly do a much better job at waking up Jeff.

Molly McCarthy

When love’s a charity case

Rumour is a lying jade, but the fickle mistress hath it that a Lambton Quay money collector for a respectable charity has been accosting young women and asking for dates. This liltingly voiced fellow has approached several Victoria students, proposing marriage to at least one, and begging for a dating chance from others.

In a more sinister vein, unproven allegations suggest that he has appropriated phone numbers collected through his ‘legitimate’ charity work for his nefarious scheme. Perhaps all the more reason to keep your head down and keep walking, unless you’re like, super keen for an easy pash. In that case, you’re probably in.

Artemus Jones

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Ten things I wish my friends knew about being Māori

: 1). I wish my friends knew that when they ask me what “percentage” of Māori I am—half, quarter, or eighth—they make me feel like a human pie chart. I don’t know how people can ask this so nonchalantly, but they do. So I want to let you know: this is a very threatening