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May 7, 2012 | by  | in Opinion |
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Roxy Heart

Hiya. I’m a third year female geology major, and I’m a virgin. All my friends either have long term bfs, or have tonnes of sex, and it is really getting to me. I feel that I’m not attractive, and I worry that no one will ever want to sleep with me. I’m a larger  girl and it really upsets me because I feel like all the guys I’m attracted to will just see this fat awkward girl and just be immediately turned off. The thought of being rejected really upsets me, and I’m just so scared. I seem stuck in a rut, and I’m not sure what to do. Can you help me, Roxy?

Rejection is, unfortunately, an inevitable risk of the dating process. Sometimes you just have to play the game to have a chance to win the prize. An important part of maturity is being able to deal with the fact that sometimes people will say no, and as long as they are polite about it, then it’s really not such a bad experience. If they’re a raging asshole about it, well, they weren’t a good catch anyway.

Now, it sounds like a big part of what is holding you back is that you are not in love with your body, and it’s really hard to be confident on the prowl if you have no confidence in your own appearance. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being a larger girl, and Roxy herself could do to lose a few pounds, but at the same time it is a problem if it’s making you upset. So, if you’re naturally a bit curvy, go out there and learn how to flaunt it. Learn how to own your curves, how to accentuate and flatter them with your clothes: rock your body. If that’s not something you think you can do, then you can always join a gym, cut out the crap foods and see if you can gradually lose a little weight. Now, remember, not everyone can be a skinny, but even a little increase in fitness and the shedding of a few extra pounds may give you a boost in confidence and vitality that lets you go out there and feel like a star.

Finally, don’t get worked up about still being a virgin at your age. A lot of people rush into losing their V-plates, and end up regretting it because they choose a loser, or just weren’t ready for it emotionally. A bad first experience can be really traumatic and damaging for a person’s sexual confidence.

Saving yourself for a guy who actually deserves you may actually prove to be the best course.

Of course, Roxy also knows that for some people it’s more a case of “getting it over with”: they’re confident, secure in their sexuality, but just haven’t managed to go all the way, something that bothers them. If that sounds like you, feel totally free to settle for “good enough” for your first time. That guy on D floor does look kind of cute after you’ve had a few Vodka Cruisers, after all…

Roxy <3

Roxy, I recently discovered that I have genital herpes. I’m really worried it is going to kill my sex life if I tell people. Is it okay if I don’t disclose as long as we use a condom? The transmission rate is really low.

No. Roxy <3.

Hello Roxy. Last week while I was really drunk I let one of my gay friends give me a blow job. Does that make me gay? I don’t really remember it, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt “feelings” for another dude.

No. Roxy <3.

Roxy, my girlfriend of two months hates porn, and goes mental when she thinks I’ve looked at it. The other day she came in and said she had gone through my internet history, and started screaming about the porn she’d found. We have this fight like, once a week (and tonnes of other fights too, she’s kinda crazy). Do you think we should stay together?

No. Roxy <3.

If you have issues or concerns that you wish to discuss privately and confidentially with a professional, rather than a magazine columnist, Student Counselling Service can provide a safe place to explore such aspects of your life. The service is free and confidential. Phone 04 463 5310. Email counselling-service@vuw.ac.nz. Visit Mauri Ora, Level 1, Student Union Building. 

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