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May 14, 2012 | by  | in Opinion |
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Roxy Heart

Roxy, I’m having a bit of an issue. I love having sex with my (relatively new) boyfriend, and he’s really good at getting me off. But, when I try to make him cum, he has trouble. It’s not the fact that it takes a while that bothers me, as I can easily put this down to little experience. It’s that when he does cum, he pees. And it’s not a one-off incident. And it’s not nice. He says that it does feel like he’s orgasming, so I don’t know what’s up. I’m pretty sure it’s not normal. What can I do to prevent it? 

Sometimes it mystifies Roxy that many otherwise entirely sensible people will show no inclination to go to the doctor when something is clearly wrong with their genitalia. Pussies and dicks are not invincible, and just like any part of the body, can get diseased or suffer from unpleasant medical defects. Many of these are treatable, often in perfectly painless and cheap ways, but left alone, can cause major problems with sexual function and fertility.

Now, some readers won’t believe this letter, and while Roxy has seen a lot, she hasn’t seen this. However, reliable sources (a quick Google search) tells me that this issue is not unique. In fact, on reflection, Roxy knows of women with similar issues, and it has always been part of the argument about whether female ejaculation is real (Roxy can’t do it herself, but isn’t going to call someone who says they can a liar). So what should your man do about it?

Well, the first thing he should do is see his doctor about visiting a urologist. There are a couple of reasons why. First, this whole “pissing on/in my girlfriend” (not that’s there’s anything wrong with that!) business is clearly not your thing, so his failure to seek treatment is jeopardising your relationship. Second, this issue could wreak havoc with his fertility. Urine is not a friendly environment for little spermatozoa to do their swimmy thing, and if he cannot decouple urinating from ejaculating, he may find children off the table.

Now Roxy is not a urologist, but it seems reasonable to guess that the problem has to do with the little muscles that control whether boyfriend’s dick is in pissing mode or cumming mode. For whatever reasons, your boyfriend’s muscles aren’t 100 per cent operational. A specialist should have therapies to help address this.

In the meantime, Roxy can really only think of one solution: make boyfriend go to the bathroom before you have sex, and for now at least, consider having him not shoot into your vajayjay, unless you think you can handle the urine douche.

Now the final thing to consider is how you broach the subject with your boyfriend. Your letter implies that you have raised it with him, but I assume nothing came of it. Now is the time to be more forceful. This clearly matters to you (since you were brave enough to write in), and it should matter to him (since it concerns his health). You have an obligation to both your partner and to yourself to make a good effort of convincing him that he needs to do something about this. Remember that he’s probably embarrassed and nervous about his condition, hence why he hasn’t gone to the doctor. Don’t treat him like there’s something “wrong” with him, and don’t talk about how gross or uncomfortable it makes you feel. Instead approach it from a health and well-being perspective, offer to support him, and then apply gentle pressure until he makes the right move.

If he continues to rebuff you, well, I guess then you have to ask whether the pissing is a potential deal-breaker for your relationship. A man who refuses to seek help for an issue that makes his partner unhappy and risks his own health is not a very mature man.

Oh and, boyfriend, if you’re reading this: go to the doctor. Now. Like, right now, pick up the phone and make a booking at student health. They’ll have heard worse, believe me. At least there isn’t pus and such.

<3 Roxy

If you have issues or concerns that you wish to discuss privately and confidentially with a professional, rather than a magazine columnist, Student Counselling Service can provide a safe place to explore such aspects of your life. The service is free and confidential. Phone 04 463 5310. Email counselling-service@vuw.ac.nz. Visit Mauri Ora, Level 1, Student Union Building. 

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