Man misunderstands concept of “Drive-Thru” meal
In the weirdest published sentence many of us will ever encounter in our lifetimes, a naked man was shot to death by Miami police last weekend when he refused to stop eating another man’s face on a motorway off-ramp.
The cannibalistic show-down occurred after Rudy Eugene, the face-eater, chased homeless man Ronald Poppo, tore his clothes off, and began tearing hunks of flesh off his face with his teeth.
Eugene was completely naked long before encountering Poppo.
Police called to the scene instructed Eugene to step away from Poppo, to which Eugene responded by growling. After the attack continued, police eventually fired a fatal round of shots.
Reports have emerged since the incident claiming that Eugene may have been under the influence of an LSD-like substance, which, if true, makes this the worst trip in all history ever.
Poppo was still alive but in a critical condition when Salient went to print. Police reported that his face had been eaten “down to his goatee”.
“This cupcake is literally coming in my mouth.”
Laughs were abound in Minnesota early last month when a high school student pulled the old cum-filled cupcake gag on a classmate.
A 16-year-old student brought a tray of cupcakes to class to share with his classmates, having reportedly filled just one with his own semen. The truth behind the baking’s “creamy filling” was not revealed to the unsuspecting swallower until the next day.
Following complaints from the cum-chomper, the school suspended the baker who, in a bizarre turn of events, then threatened via Twitter that he would burn the principal’s house down.
Police are investigating the situation.