News On The March
The world this week
- In the latest of a litany of campaign successes, Mitt Romney’s media team succeeds in failing to accurately spell the name of their own continent in a new iPhone app to promote the Romney campaign. Praise ‘Amercia’!
- Like a merciless case of gangrene, Europe’s festering debt wound spreads from Greece to Spain, sparking fears that any necessary bailout of Europe’s fourth largest economy might send the Eurozone to the grave. Greece remains unrepentant.
- In an attempt to bring peace to Syria, the UN sends in global diplomatic fix-it man, ex UN Secretary General, Kofi Annan. The brazen move follows Russia’s solitary stubbornness in refusing to support unequivocal condemnation of Assad’s regime, and the unavailability of Bruce Willis.
- In the latest of a series of existential threats to humankind, scientists discover that super-volcanoes–the kind that can wipe out human civilisation–can form in only hundreds of years, rather than for the previously understood 200 000 years. Drunk conversationalists worldwide hold that death by lava is probably cooler than death by global warming.
- It’s party time in Samoa as the modest Pacific nation celebrates its 50th anniversary of independence. Celebrations look to be sizeable, with a concert by British faux-reggae group UB40 planned for the capital Apia.
- In Waimate, the Employment Relations Authority rules that the cannabis-munching truck driver who crashed his truck into a tree while gorging himself was fairly dismissed. The driver claims that the cannabis was consumed for medical purposes.