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July 23, 2012 | by  | in News |
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LOL News

POLE POSITION

Officials in Auckland claim prostitutes are destroying street signs by using them for pole dancing routines designed to attract customers. In the last 18 months, more than 40 poles have been bent, buckled or broken.

Wendy Traskos, founder of the US Pole Dancing Federation, believes that New Zealand locals are being unfair to urban pole dancing, asking “What exactly do they make their signs out of anyway in New Zealand? Tissue paper!?”

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES. BUT NOT IN REAL LIFE.

With the return of Batman to our screens in “The Dark Knight Rises”, four students from the University of Leicester have crunched some important numbers. In a paper titled “Trajectory of a falling Batman”, the group argued that if he jumped from a 150-metre high building, the 4.7 metre wingspan of Batman’s cape would allow him to glide 350 meters. But he would hit the ground at a speed of 50 mph.

“If Batman wanted to survive the flight, he would definitely need a bigger cape,” said David Marshall, who helped pen the paper.

It is not yet known how many other childhood dreams this cruel group hopes to crush.

DOING IT DOGGY STYLE

Boy meets girl, boy argues with girl, boy kills girl’s dog and smacks her with it. Another day in relationship bliss. Last Wednesday in Georgia, USA, a 27-year-old man and his 40-year-old girlfriend were having an argument when he decided his point was best made by taking her pet Pomeranian outside and kicking it to death.

Still not satisfied, he proceeded to beat her with its still-warm corpse. She later refused to cooperate with investigators, claiming she “wasn’t that fond of it in the first place.” On reflection, this one wasn’t really LOL news. Now that you’ve finished reading it, all we can do is apologise.

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