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July 16, 2012 | by  | in Opinion |
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Mulled Whine With H.G. Beattie

The Lorenz Curve Is Not a Bootylicious Hair Salon. (I knoiw, RIght!?)

In the holidays I got very lonely and, in a spate of emotionally frustrated linguistic optimism, considered moving to France and seeking out DSK for Pernod and hedonism.

Enough reality. Have a fake anecdote.

I was taking some time the other week to repair the simply ravaged grass in Civic Square that played tarpaulin to the Occupy Wellington bowel movement, when I remembered reading that the richest three people in the world have more financial assets than the lowest 48 nations. So I raised my eyebrow, made a mental note to later rough up the grass with a golf club (actually, no, with some other piece of sports equipment that has less socioeconomic clout) and skipped off to change things. Inequality: if you aren’t concerned, you’re a complete asshole.

Here is a social conscience I prepared earlier(!!), pursuant to yet another ‘truth bullet’ yesterday: to wit, being told that I seemed like someone who had a large portfolio of East Asian technology-based financial interests, none of the dividends of which I give to UNICEF. I admit to studying economics and finance (a good line to lead with on first dates if you want to get home by eight thirty.) I find these things interesting. Until recently, my prevailing outlook was that I still lacked the requisite broad understanding thereof to support me in any discussion. I was, as usual, completely wrong.

The ability to discuss matters pertaining to inequality, and more widely economics, has a one hundred percent (RIDICULOUS STATISTICAL ASSERTION, by way of a pro-tip) correlation with the ability to bullshit. The upside of “the economy and shit” being “dismal and shit” is that discussion often ends up back at square one. Throw in a few “Yes, but is that workable/efficient/overly paternalistic?” and “Don’t fuck with people’s incentives” and you will be away laughing. If a woman speaks out of turn, tell her that no one wants to see her Gini coefficient. (Somebody really needs to hit me in the face.)

Inequality, as do all srs issues, has a necessary shallow end. ‘The way things are’ – talk about a series of unfortunate events. (Anyone else still heartily pissed off by the ‘explanations’ offered in the last book in a Series of Unfortunate Events?) I recommend, but assume no liability for the conclusions of, your spending a rainy day analysing the reacher/settler dynamics of your own and your friends’ relationships.

In all seriousness–a possible first–I am reminded in writing this that my pitiful non-combatant stance against inequality extends merely to the occasional half-hour spent rating couples where the final score has to equal ten. (Good clean fun.) I hope that when DSK and I are lounging around on a yacht sur la Méditerranée, I will be able to tell him that at least I tried to change.

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