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July 23, 2012 | by  | in Opinion |
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Roxy Heart

Hello Roxy, I’m a third year gay history student with a question: is it unreasonable for my boyfriend to say no to fisting?

Fistor or fistee? <3 Roxy.

Fistor..? I want to fist him. My last boyfriend got me into it and it’s just so intimate and hot! My new boyfriend seems experienced and is totally cool with bottoming, but he’s just outright said no  whenever I’ve asked for this. Is that fair?

For the uninitiated, fisting is pretty much what it says on the tin: the sticking of the fist (or, for more expert practitioners, the forearm) into another person’s anus or vagina. The experience is said to be very intense, and extremely sensual. It is also, to use the understatement of the year, not for everyone.

That your boyfriend doesn’t seem keen shouldn’t really surprise you. Fisting is pretty out there, and carries a natural nervousness factor, since it involves, you know, sticking a fist in your ass. Of course, done properly, it is totally safe, since the anus can naturally stretch that large (for evolutionary reasons that elude Roxy), although the process will take an awful lot of lube, and the better part of an afternoon.

Of course, it’s your boyfriend’s call about what goes into his ass. From Roxy’s perspective, fisting doesn’t seem that much more extreme than many normal anal shenanigans, and if you’re in for a penny, you might as well be in for a pound (of fist). So yeah, it does seem a little unfair for your boyfriend to not even try it.

Still, he might have really good reasons not to do it (traumatic past experiences, for example): it’s probably a good to have a chat about it with him. It might even turn out that he didn’t realise you wanted it so much.

Of course if you really, really want to do this and you can’t take no for an answer, you will need to think about whether the closure of his anus means the closing of the relationship. That’s your call.

<3, Roxy.

Roxy, I have a problem. The other day I was bored, so I decided to check if my flatmate has any porn on his computer (I know, it sounds weird, but I was really curious about what he looks at!). Now, I did find some porn, and it was all pretty normal, except he had a folder filled with gay porn! The problem is, he has a girlfriend!!! What do I do Roxy?! I am having a total freak out. What if he’s cheating on her or something?!

First things first: You’re a bitch.

Call me old-fashioned, but your flatmate probably feels he has a certain expectation of privacy when it comes to his laptop. I rather doubt he would have appreciated you snooping around, perhaps because he—to use a wild example—had a secret stash of gay porn he didn’t want his housemates to know about. Privacy is important, and everyone has secrets they have a right to hide. Breaching that privacy because you are “bored” (I shudder to imagine what you do when you feel like hurting someone) is basically an uber- dick move.

Unfortunately then, what do you do? Nothing seems like a pretty good option. You have no obligation, let alone a right, to tell his girlfriend: gay porn isn’t going to kill her any time soon. It may be he’s just bi (shock!) or even straight and just happens to like it, for whatever reason. If you find evidence that he is secretly sucking cock at Emperor’s Bathhouse, then you probably have a case to intervene, but the general rule is not to unnecessarily stick your nose in other people’s business.

If you just have to tell someone however, tell your flatmate. Although be aware that his reaction may depend on whether you are a signatory to the lease.

<3, Roxy.

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