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July 23, 2012 | by  | in Features |
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Sex Tips For The Gaybie

Courtesy of the Semen Demon.

I’m the person people usually come to for gay sex tips. My seven years’ experience of man-on-man action qualifies me to comment on nearly any bedroom situation.

From German gang-bangs to double penetration, I’m constantly being asked for advice. Although I’m sure I could write an encyclopaedia–here are a few handy hints for the nouvea-homo:

TEETH HURT:

For you guys out there who’ve never experienced the toothier blowy, it’s just a bad headache for cock. It’s important to try keep your teeth behind your lips and to breathe steadily through your nose. Remember not to rush it.

LUBE IS YOUR BEST FRIEND:

For a lot of gay guys, the thought of anal sex stirs anxiety and fear, and to be honest, it will hurt the first few times. The number one trick is to take things slow and use plenty of lube. If you’re not sure you’re ready to bottom (get fucked) then try things on your own with toys (or safe substitutes).

TAKE THINGS SLOW–IT’S OKAY TO SAY NO:

This one sounds a little soppy, but it’s important to look after your mental health. Often when young guys are exploring their sexuality, they jump into many situations in an attempt to discover more about themselves. This is okay, but ensure you aren’t putting yourself in scenarios where you feel uncomfortable. Some guys are pushy, but just push back and tell them to fuck off.

UNDERSTAND YOUR BODY.

Alright, so this one’s a bit graphic but maybe the most important. If you intend to put anything up your ass (or put things up your partner’s ass), make sure you know what your bowel movements are. If you haven’t been to the bathroom that day, maybe think about it before visiting the marmite mines. Make no mistake, sticky situations are easy to avoid if you know what your body’s upto and you have a normal amount of fibre in your diet. This can often be an issue when heavy drinking is involved.

GROUP SEX IS AN ART FORM:

So it never really turns out like the porno you hoped for, but when you get the right balance, it can be fantastic. Things to remember are the ratio of tops (the guys fucking) and bottoms in said group need to be proportionate. Also, if you have a boyfriend you both need to have an agreement in place before throwing yourself into an orgy. Jealousy is never fun, but sometimes sharing is caring.

USE A FUCKING CONDOM:

HIV transmits much easier through the anal lining, making guys who fuck guys disproportionately prone to infection. Condoms and water-based lube are the only protection against HIV. Get tested regularly at your GP or through the New Zealand Aids Foundation (the staff are really friendly). HIV is primarily transmitted by those who don’t know they have it.

Follow these simple tips and the rest should follow.

New Zealand Aids Foundation (NZAF) www.nzaf.org.nz 

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About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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