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July 30, 2012 | by  | in News |
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The Week That Wasn’t

SICK AND TWISTED MAN REFUSES TO TORTURE SIMS.

Wellington Central man Aaron McCoy and long time fan of EA Games’ The Sims series has been labelled “sick and twisted” by friends after they noticed he had been treating his Sims with compassion and concern rather than brutally murdering them when he got bored and felt like a sandwich like everyone else.

Psychologist Dr Rye said “while McCoy’s behaviour may be interpreted as freakishly abnormal, it’s absolutely crucial that friends and family help him through this difficult time.”

“We normally encourage the family who are faced with a compassionate Sims player to slowly introduce sadistic tendencies into their day to day life. They might suggest to him that he remove the ladders from pools, or board up the doorways to his children’s’ bedrooms while they sleep.”

“While these may have long lasting consequences such as imprisonment for manslaughter or neglect, they are ultimately in the player’s best interest.”

But McCoy’s family say their attempts have shown no results.

“We asked him to repair the stereo while he was fatigued, but he’s gone right back to playing the fourth generation of his current family” said his brother.

Other members of McCoy’s family showed normal tendencies towards creating emotionally unstable sociopaths.

His mother said she first knew something might be amiss when she observed McCoy regularly feeding his Neopets in 2002.

“He knew they couldn’t die, but he went on doing it anyway,” she said.

“But I knew things had become much
worse when he began creating a vibrant and functioning town while playing Sim City two months ago. He showed no intention of ever creating a succession of devastating forest fires.”

Rye said the last resort in treating McCoy’s condition would be to “lock him in a room with nothing but a fridge and see what happens.”

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