LIFE IS KINDA LIKE THAT BIT AT THE END OF ‘DOUBT’ WHERE MERYL STREEP YELLS ‘I HAVE SUCH DOOOOOOOOOOOOOUBT!
That chat is me totally failing to follow my own advice. How often have I told you to just get on with it. How many times have I told you to stop wallowing? Jesus, I’m almost as bad as you. Almost.
Sometime you just have to listen to yourself. The gap between knowing and doing feels like it’s getting bigger. It’s so hard to live in a way that balances or even equates with your values. And it’s even harder know why that gap is there. Why don’t we just do what we know we should or can do?
Doubt is why. People being wrong is never surprising. The surprise is always when we are right. We doubt ourselves, we doubt each other. The reason we can spend so much of our time worrying about why we don’t always do the right thing is because we’re not even sure what the right thing is in the first place.
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We’re all imposters, remember. None of us is good or smart enough. Where do we get the gall to make concrete decisions as to what is right and wrong. Jesus, look at us. We can barely breathe when we need to. Doubt cripples us.
Doubt sets us free. It allows to never really hurt, to never really invest in anything. When you’re proved wrong it doesn’t hurt because you never really believed yourself in the first place. Doubt makes everyone liars and since most people already are that just greases the slippery slope of human interaction.
But just because you doubt yourself doesn’t mean you shouldn’t listen to yourself. Now, god forbid that you think this is me trying to tell you to believe in yourself. Because I really don’t think you either should or could. I mean look at you. What is there to believe in? You’re an emotional dysfunctional, morally inept, half-covered sneeze of a human.
But so is everyone else.
And you listen to other people, right? At least sometimes you do. Remember how out of touch and dumb you feel? Every single other human you have ever asked for advice as if they know anything has felt that exact same way. You listened to them, so listen to yourself. Just be ready to be wrong. Which, due to your copious doubt, you already are.
So, I promise to start listening to my own advice as long as you start listening to your own too.