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August 13, 2012 | by  | in Opinion |
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Roxy Heart

Hi Roxy, I am a kiwi guy Asian descent. I recently came out of the closet and am just starting to get into dating. I haven’t really enjoyed the gay scene in Wellington, so I’ve been trying out online dating. So far it hasn’t been too bad, and I’ve met a couple of people who have been really nice. One thing’s been getting me down though: it seems like lots of gay guys are really racist towards Asians. It’s really common to see a profile of a guy who looks really cool, click through and then see that his profile says “No Asians!” or something similar. I get how some guys might have a preference for a certain “type”, but it still seems kinda racist to me to single out a particular group or race. What do you think Roxy?

A lot of internet vitriol has been published on racism in the gay community, and having seen some of tactless things written by members of the community, it does appear that there’s a reason for that It didn’t take Roxy long to find openly racist sentiments expressed on the main dating sites. “No Asians”, “No Maoris, sorry”, and lots of other variations (except, strangely, no one saying “No Whites”), often ending somewhat unconvincingly with, “I’m not racist this is just my type”.

So is it just expressing a genuine sexual preference? On one level, quite possibly: people do have different views on what is attractive to them, and it’s true that some people might find some racial traits more attractive than others. On the other hand,

such a narrow view is also rather stupid. There is so much variation within the ‘races’ (eurgh) that writing off an entire group of people entirely is kind of bizarre. Why limit yourself in that way? Still, if people want to limit their own dating opportunities, it’s really only their own problem.

Well, not quite. While Roxy thinks it’s a natural human trait to have discriminatory preferences, displaying those preferences flagrantly is simply tactless and rather douche-y. For people browsing these websites who come from marginalised groups, it’s not very fun to be constantly reminded that for a large section of “their” gay community, they are seen as undesirable or unattractive. It’s the public belittling which is the worst form of this racism, and unfortunately the most common.

Just remember the Golden Rule, even when you’re on the internet: don’t be a fucking dickhole, douchenozzle.

Although, those who ignore this and decide they still desperately need a “no Asians” sign on their profile: you’ve done the world a service. It might have been difficult to work out what a tool you were otherwise.

<3, Roxy.

Dear Roxy Heart.
The other day my boyfriend and I were hanging out in the Rankine Brown Building. We were both feeling pretty horny and decided to find a quiet area to make out. It was really hot, and I was totally getting into it when he said we should fuck. I totally freaked out, since I was terrified someone might see us. It did sound really hot though! I’m so confused. Is public sex a good idea?

No, but that’s never stopped anyone.

The problem Roxy has with public sex is a fairly basic one: by having sex in public you’re pretty much making poor undeserving members of the public part of your sex life. Stumbling upon people having awkward library sex doesn’t strike Roxy as the best way to spend her study break. Of course, that’s not true of anyone, but it’s not really spontaneous public sex if you’re pre-checking your audience for voyeurism.

Of course, forcing your sexuality on other people is pretty much the point of public sex (along with the thrill of risk, of course), so tonnes of people still do it.

That doesn’t stop it from being kind of douche-y, though.
<3, Roxy.

SEND YOUR QUESTIONS FOR ROXY TO

♥ ROXYHEART@SALIENT.ORG.NZ ♥

If you have issues or concerns that you wish to discuss privately and confidentially with a professional, rather than a magazine columnist, Student Counselling Service can provide a safe place to explore such aspects of your life. The service is free and confidential. Phone 04 463 5310. Email counselling-service@vuw. ac.nz. Visit Mauri Ora, Level 1, Student Union Building. 

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