August 6, 2012 | by  |
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Sporting Variation Of The Week

Drunk Olympics

What if we made every competitor in the Olympics drink until they were three times over the legal limit for driving? I don’t know about breaking world records, but it would certainly make for one hell of an interesting watch. Imagine the hilarity of watching a group of finely tuned athletes storming through the 110m hurdles while unable to coordinate a jump or even run in a straight line? The gymnastics arena alone boasts a goldmine of potential booze-induced hilarity. Some events would undoubtedly need specific applications of the drunk rule, such as equestrian requiring inebriated horses. Canoeing and ever-tedious swimming might even be made interesting by the introduction of liquor, with the constant possibility of a competitor drowning a definite drawcard. An element of danger is probably the only thing missing from the current Games, and the alcohol factor would bring that much-needed zest, particularly to sports such as archery, fencing and shooting. Though the cost of getting tens of thousands of athletes on the piss may prove expensive, it certainly opens up the possibility for more sponsorship. Shit, no other justification needed.

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