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August 6, 2012 | by  | in News |
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The Week That Wasn’t

Colin Craig spontaneously enters polyamorous gay marriage, proving his worse fears true.

On Thursday, Social Conservative Colin Craig, unable to restrain his curiosity any longer, entered a polyamorous same sex marriage, in an attempt to live his nightmares and prove all his worse fears true.

Craig originally claimed that the radical decision was part of ongoing research meant to “determine the effects of a polyamorous relationship on the ability of one to maintain a bigoted lifestyle.”

“I am most interested in the reaction of the Baptist church to my new sequined silver pants”.

But it soon became clear to Craig that the contradictions were quickly mounting.

“My worst fears have been confirmed. It is in fact becoming increasingly hard to foster and incite intolerable hatred while wearing the best goatee I’ve had in years”.

Despite having concluded his study, Craig showed no sign of ending his research, explaining he “just wanted to try it out” for a few more days.

“It’s really about getting to the bottom of the issue,” Craig said, “but I assure that I’m on top of it.”

However, fellow conservatives have stated they view Craig’s behaviour as “highly suspicious”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say he had been sodomizing free lover this whole time,” said a close friend of Craig who wished to remain nameless.

“But it’s quite obvious that he has never displayed any sign of repressed homosexuality, not one bit, zilch, zero, none whatsoever. So that can’t be it.”

On Sunday Craig announced he was getting “kind of it into it” and as of this morning he had divorced his wife and bought a boat in San Francisco Bay where he now lives with three Italian men and a poodle named Lychee.

He took the pants with him and left a note to his children that simply read; “YOLO!”

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