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September 10, 2012 | by  | in News |
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The Week That Wasn’t

JOHN KEY NAKED IN VEGAS, NO PICTURES TAKEN

On Saturday night, Prime Minister John Key was found wandering naked down Las Vegas strip, politely asking strangers if they wouldn’t mind taking a photo of his nether areas and posting them to the internet.

Key described his actions as “an honest attempt to prove New Zealand is still relevant on the world stage” and “possibly the best idea I’ve had since Letterman”

“As a country, I believe we should be able to have scandals with the best of them”.

The already nude Prime Minister began his campaign by asking several women from the hotel bar up to his empty suite for “some party fun time”, minutes after having pressed body against the suite’s window and declaring to Las Vegas:

“You want to see the real keys to the kingdom? Well here they are!”

The girls declined his offer, but Key persevered, soliciting Hotel staff for “just a cheeky low resolution snap.”

He was asked to leave.

But the apparently sobre Key, known to make the best of any situation, did not give up. He proceeded to approach strangers on the strip, pleading and begging everyone from the elderly, to young families of four to take photos of his exposed lower regions.

But all the passerbys refused. One person claimed that he “was nowhere near as long as his nose.”

“There was nothing worth taking a picture of,” said another.

As the fatigue set in, Key thought heard a distant whispering.

“Is that you Bronagh? I just want to be loved… Hold me” And he cried.

Distraught and dejected, Key collapsed outside the Paris Las Vegas hotel and its scaled down replica of the Eiffel Tower.

A scaled down replica for a man who was now a scaled down replica of his former self, especially as he was now experiencing some shrinkage.

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