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sex positive
October 8, 2012 | by  | in Features |
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It’s About Fucking Time We Talked About Fucking

It’s not sex positive without the sex

 

Roxy has been growing tired of listening to people complain that our society has become too “sexualised”. It has not. Oh sure, the media and advertisers love to use sexual imagery to sell stuff, but that’s all superficial and ultimately irrelevant. At the end of the day, sex is still marginalised and our society is still very prudish, and that’s something we should be very, very worried about.

When you were growing up, your mum or dad may very well have sat you down and had a sex talk. It almost certainly was vague, and it almost certainly was uncomfortable. It also likely didn’t actually teach you anything. How to use a condom? “Ummm, it goes on your penis…” How to make sure a woman has a vaginal orgasm? “Ummm, are you having sex yet..?” Anal? “Ummm, a lot of women don’t like that stuff you see on porn…”

It’s a failure of parenting, and it’s a cultural failure of our society.

A huge amount of unnecessary suffering is caused by poor sex education. Countless women have spent their entire lives never having experienced a genuine vaginal orgasm because they were never told what to expect, or that they might need more than a cock to achieve it. Many others, both gals and dudes, have had horrible experiences with penetrative sex because no one ever explained to them the importance of using lube. Huge numbers of young men have denied themselves the full sensitivity their cocks permit because they have rubbed them raw with crappy jacking- off technique. People with ordinary, and what should be seen as downright cool, fetishes have been denied the ability to express them because no one is ever told just how wide the definition of “normal” can be.

Sure, you can show tits on TV after 9pm, but all of that is just the trappings of human sexual experience.We still can’t openly talk about it in schools, or with our children, or on the television. Instead we have a generation of people who get all their real sexual education from Cosmo, Sex and the City, or porn.

The issue is, these sources are actually making things worse. They are telling people that they need to be “sex positive” and “open minded”, without actually equipping them with any of the knowledge they need to actually live a sex-positive life. They glide over the hard bits, or the messy bits or the complicated bits, and then when “Cosmo Tip 42: Surprise your man with anal!” fails, they pile on the guilt.

Is it really surprising then, that Roxy has avowedly “sex positive” friends who didn’t know that gay men could have sex looking in the eye? Sex is only talked about in platitudes and aphorisms, and that’s pretty sucky.

Get educated, people. Learn about your bodies, and the bodies of those you want to fuck. Do some research, even if it’s just a Google search. Figure out how sex is meant to be done.Talk openly with your friends about sex, about what it means, how it’s done. Find out about fetishes, and those who practice them: it may surprise you. Oh and when you have kids? If you can’t tell them the, ahem, ins and outs yourself, at least buy them a goddamn book.

<3 Roxy ▲

Roxy Heart is Salient’s in-house sex columnist, undertaking the role alone after the demise of her vitriolic, conservative counterpart Prudence.

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Comments (2)

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  1. Actual Question says:

    So.. What is the best way for a guy to jack-off?

  2. ffffffffff says:

    I get that Cosmo’s problematic, especially regarding heteronormativity and mixed messages about body image, but apparently on the sex-positive front it doesn’t do such a bad job:

    http://www.salon.com/2012/09/14/lady_mags_are_empowering/

    Just food for thought

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