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October 8, 2012 | by  | in News |
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LOL News

IT’S ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK…

Aberdeen resident William Middleton got his head stuck in a bin while “looking for [his] hat”.

Middleton was finally cut free by firefighters after spending 20 minutes, head-first, in the bin.

“I couldn’t get my head out. It was shocking. It was stinking. I’m now known as bucket head,” said Middleton, speaking of the ordeal.

A number of people attempted to help Middleton but were unable to relieve him from the clutches of the receptacle.

“I walked around the corner and saw his walking stick on the ground and his bum sticking out and said ‘that’s Willie’,” said a witness.

“Me and my pals tried to pull him out but his ears were stuck.”

Middleton was not injured at all, but it remains unclear whether he has been reunited with the troublesome hat.

“SUCK MY TEAT”

Swiss cows have the ability to sext their farmers, thanks to a recent development in farming technology.

Created to let farmers know when their cows are on heat, the device, which is implanted in the bovine’s genitals, reads body movement as well as temperature before sending the farmer an SMS when the cow in question is feeling a little bit frisky.

The messages are able to be sent in up to five different languages, and have a reported 90 per cent accuracy. But at $140 per unit, you’d have to hope these messages are sufficiently saucy.

“Hey bb. U + me in the bak paddok, 5 mins. xoxo Daisy”

BIGGEST FTP OF ALL TIME

Miscreants in Northland drew police into a long and ridiculous pursuit in the early hours of last Sunday morning.

The pursuit, which lasted two hours until police were able to lay spikes on the road, featured high speeds averaging… 45 km/h… before the youths vomited out the window.

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