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October 15, 2012 | by  | in Uncategorised |
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LOL News

BRAZIL: THAT’S NUTS!

In Brazil, an electoral campaign in the Amazonas province has been taken to new heights (read: very high) with candidate Carme Cristina Lima’s distribution of cocaine as a voting incentive. Lima was arrested for electoral corruption and drug dealing, in relation to voters “gettin’ blackmailed, for that white girl”. While commentators maintain Lima may have blow-n her chances, Lima has maintained she was only using coke to ‘share a little happiness’.

BRITISH UNNECESSARILY POLITE (SORRY, BRITONS)

A recent study has confirmed long-held suspicions surrounding the quintessential polite nature of Britons. When physical contact is made with strangers, three-quarters of British citizens will apologise even when they are the bumpee. Researchers hold

that this mild-mannered timidness is also thought to be responsible for other British archetypical traits including queueing, tea, and scones.

LAID UP—IN THE LIBRARY, APPARENTLY.

Often envied for their academic prowess, Cambridge University students have been the subject of ridicule this week when it
was revealed that only 60 condoms are provided per student, per week. While low libido is indeed a dire medical condition and should not be made light of, Salient is left to wonder—60? Is that all!?

UNLUCKY IN KENTUCKY

While the placement of this story in LOL News may bemuse the novice reader, there is a certain romance to the headline ‘Man fires shots into crowd to impress girl’. In a second effort to prove he could discharge effectively, Carlos R Turrelles Arias made parents and children alike run for cover in the suburb of Southland in Louisville, Kentucky when he fired shots to impress his pregnant girlfriend. While Arias was charged with carrying a concealed weapon, Salient presumes there was one more concealed weapon confiscated later that night. Wink.

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This Ain’t a Scene it’s a Goddamned Arm Wrestle

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