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October 1, 2012 | by  | in Opinion |
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Things You Already Know But Just Need To Be Told

Hi.
I’m a bit worried about you. Well, more than a bit worried. I’m scared you’re giving in to the darkness. I’m frightened that you’re giving up the dream. Everything is just becoming too much, isn’t it?

It is. I know it is. We’ve talked about how overwhelming and scary everything is. Work begets work begets work begets work. You keep realising how long it has been since you haven’t had to do something right away. To do lists fill twice as fast as they are filled. You are crowded. You are stressed. You are fading. Don’t you just wish life was as easy as it looks? Well, looks for other people, right? No one is ever really going to understand how tough on you these past few months have been. You’re only just realising after all.

I know it hurts. Everything hurts. You feel stretched out, melting and fading away. If you had one wish right now it would be to change everything. You are questioning all of your decisions, all of your choices. And the future. Oh, the future. Taunting you with all the things you’ve been told you can do with it. People keep promising you potentials and maybes. Why do they that always become I-wish-I- hadn’ts?

You are being poisoned. Life is poisoning you. You are turning dark. Emotional scar tissue is building up all around you. You are so fucking sick of the stress and hurt and crush of the world that your shields are rusting up.

This isn’t you.

I need you to be able to hope again. I need you to be as open with your feelings as you once were. This isn’t about me needing someone to laugh at my jokes, it is about you needing to be free.

Because right now you aren’t.

All I can see is your cages. The ones you’ve built for yourself. Doubt. Sarcasm. Hate. Spite. Is that who you want to be? There are better ways of dealing with the cards that existence deals us. I’m not sure what they are. But I’m sure they exist. Will get back to you on this.

Walk into the light. It scares you but you have to walk into it. I promise it won’t hurt.

No. Scratch that. I promise it won’t hurt as much as you do right now. People care about you. People love you. People are here for you. The thing about having crutches is that sometimes you have to admit that you need them. And then you actually have to lean on them.

Remember that time I drunkenly told you that you saved my life? You said “Don’t say that.” You have never really thought about how much you live for other people. For helping other people. For catching others when they fall. You have always just done it. You give so much, you gave so much and now you feel like that it is what has gotten you here. You think you gave yourself away, allowed yourself to be trampled under life’s feet. But you didn’t. You ended up here not because you gave too much but because people took too much. And fuck those people. They are the one’s who should be punishing themselves. Not you.

We are all here to catch you.

Now fall.

Love, Uther.

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About the Author ()

Uther was one of the two arts editors in 2009. He was the horoscopier and theatre writer in 2010. Alongside Elle Hunt, Uther was coeditor in 2011.

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