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October 15, 2012 | by  | in News |
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Week That Wasn’t

UNIVERSITY EMBRACES ‘SKINNY LOVE’

A recent University staff initiative has seen the introduction of dress standards for senior management and administrative members.

The initiative began in January, with the release of a white paper which aimed to “improve the accessibility of senior management to the student body”, and “connect the administrative department to campus culture in an assimilative capacity”.

A working committee’s green paper, which followed the white paper report released last month, recommended all senior management staff rolled their pant hems up a minimum

of two rolls, kept top buttons done up in absence of ties, and advocated for greater debate on the philosophy of the ‘self’.

Assistant to the Vice Chancellor, Ramone McCutcheon, was seen buying organic free range eggs at Aro Valley grocer Patel’s last week, dressed in flannel, skinny denim jeans, and Clark’s desert boots while smoking a rollie.

“During my post-chillwave band rehearsal it really dawned on me, University Council was just, so, like, institutional, y’know? I couldn’t do it, they were really harshing my vibes”

“Is the Mighty market on this Saturday or next?” she was heard asking passers by.

Student radio station the VBC have noted an increase in calls from the Hunter Building, with The Shins, Bon Iver, Baths, and— some-what misplaced—Hanson amongst the most popular requests.

The initiative has not only affected senior management’s fashion choices, but also current building projects such as the construction of the Campus Hub, which has a projected completion date of mid-2013.

“We ditched the original plans for the Campus Hub; too many people were noticing and it was losing its cred,” Director of Campus Infrastructure Malcolm Featherby told Salient while shivering through his sleeveless fur vest.

“So we moved construction underground.”

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