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March 4, 2013 | by  | in Opinion |
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Editorial

Love & Sexetera

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. We know as well as anyone that matters of the heart ain’t easy. We don’t pretend to be experts when it comes to love. In our wayward pursuit of love, relationships, and sexetera, we’ve thrown our lives and dignities on the line.

Learn to avoid our mistakes, or better yet, follow them. Because eventually, despite everything, we all find love in a hopeless place.

 

And until then, Salient loves you. 

Molly & Stella

 

Confessions of Cynical, Hopeless Romantics:

Childhood:

– Had your first kiss under your five-year-old playdate’s bed. He takes it too far and whips out his penis.

– Wrote Valentine’s Day cards to my parents every year, completely oblivious to the fact that there are “different types of love”.

– Heard Mum and her boyfriend having sex, unable to concentrate on Roald Dahl due to deciding whether to go call ambulance now for when the baby arrives any minute.

– Proposed to my Dad.

The teenage years:

– Learned everything about sex and love from romance novels about 30-year-old women.

– Secretly stayed up late to watch Big Brother x-rated on Friday nights.

– Practising Dolly Magazine’s guide to pashing on my pillow.

– Bebo and Myspace-stalking babes.

– Getting your Mother’s sex talk in the form of being handed $50 “for you know, food, or condoms” before her driving off.

– habbohotel.com (“A/S/L?”).

– First experiences in backyards and on trampolines, in plain view of everyone.

– Cock-blocked by virginity.

– Few boyfriends, but lots of crushes who catch the same bus to school.

– Drunk texted.

 “Adulthood”:

– Had your first kiss in a London taxi cab, he takes it too far and whips out his penis.

– Cock-blocked by period.

– Almost reached 100 pashes.

– Realised that one-night-stands are nowhere near as glamorous as they seem on Sex & the City.

– Facebook-stalked babes.

– Constructed a shrine for a crush in my closet. Ironically. Of course.

– Had numerous imaginary boyfriends.

– Finally understanding Robbie William’s lyric: “…all the handsome men are gay, you feel deprived.”

– Wrote personal ads in Salient (five responses (!)).

– Drunk emailed.

– Believed you could “still be friends”.

– Found out you can’t “still be friends”.

 

Molly McCarthy & Stella Blake-Kelly

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