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March 4, 2013 | by  | in News |
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LOL NEWS

HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT

It is said that the Lord works in mysterious ways, and this week our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ manifested himself in a bird’s shit, landing on a windshield in rural Ohio. Ohioan Jim Lawry posted a YouTube video of his divine faecal intervention, describing the Christian crap as “a perfect portrait”. “It’s like Jesus staring right at me,” Lawry says in the clip. Matthew 6:26 implicates God as the creator of the not-so-intelligent design. “Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them,” the passage reads. God could not be reached for comment.

 

FETCH THIS, BITCH

A Florida man was shot in the leg by his dog, bringing canines’ status as man’s best friend into serious jeopardy. The shot was fired when the dog kicked a loaded gun lying on the floor of the man’s truck; Salient suspects the man had confused the guns emptiness with that of his mind .The man was shot in leg and not seriously injured, a lucky escape attributed to the dog reportedly being a paw marksman. Despite attempts to collar the criminal, the dog was not charged as the police had no leads.

 

AGE NO BARRIER TO SPEED

The first centenarian to complete a marathon retired from competitive racing last week after completing a 10km race in Hong Kong. Nicknamed The ‘Turbaned Tornado’, Fauja Singh is a 101-year-old veteran of nine-marathons who began running in 2000 after the death of his son. Singh sliced 4 minutes from his time on the same race last year, a feat he credits to his mood. “I had lots of power today, because I was very happy,” Singh told CNN. Singh is expected to lose his final race, as you can never outrun death.

 

Ch-rofl-is  Mc-lol-ntyre

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