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May 6, 2013 | by  | in Opinion |
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Political Hipsters. The Fucking Greens

Normally, the author of this column is content to take pot shots at the Labour party, as they are normally the largest threat to long-term Tory hegemony. Labour are, however, too weak to get back into government by themselves, and need Green support to take back the Treasury benches. Mulling on this thought, and the potential for Russel Norman to become the Minister of Finance/Minister for Screwing the Country with Crazy Policies, gave me the chills.

If you are fresh out of school, starting university and have never really earned your own money, joining the Greens seems like a great idea. You care about the environment, think Labour is past it (they are), and think John Key “like, totes hates dolphins”. What nobody tells you is that the Greens are the equivalent of political hipsters.

Think about it. They attract only niche support. They support causes you have never heard of. They decry materialism, while at the same time they are content to show off their flashy, bourgeois tastes. They hate ‘the man’ and despise capitalism because they have never earned a dollar in their lives. They care about dolphins, the Earth Mother, and snails. You care about being able to buy groceries, having somewhere to live, and putting petrol in your car.

This political hipster outlook bleeds its way into the Greens’ lunatic policies. The Greens want to hit you in the pocket. Taxes will rise under a Labour-Green government to pay for all the things they will inevitably promise. ‘Fiscal Conservatism’ will be swear words. Your take-home pay will decrease. There will be new ecological taxes, and a capital-gains tax to decrease your inheritance from your parents.

Agriculture, the backbone of the New Zealand economy, will be destroyed by any future Green government. Their agricultural policies include the end of genetically engineered crops, converting half our crops to organic, and ending free trade and foreign direct investment, which is lunacy. Not to mention shooting every second cow to reduce methane emissions. The Greens effectively wish to destroy New Zealand’s huge advantage in global agriculture, the taxes from which pay for all the nice policies they like. In transport, they want to stop the construction of new roads, prioritise public transport over private (making us all slaves to bus/train timetables), cycleways, and adding new layers of green tape to the RMA.

All this is okay if you are a quinoa-loving, bicycle-riding, trust-fund baby who lives in Kelburn. For the rest us, who live in reality, all these policies would be a disaster.

The Greens. Bad for you, bad for me, bad for the economy, and very fucking bad for New Zealand.

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Comments (2)

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  1. Me says:

    Your argument is like a sieve, it has so many holes

  2. Joe Boon says:

    The heavy vituperation of this piece considerably retards what could be, with a little more effort, a persuasive argument.

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