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May 20, 2013 | by  | in Opinion |
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Things That Go Bump in the Night (With Seymour Butts)

My partner and I have been having sex for a few months and he wants to try introducing toys, but I’m not sure I want to. It kind of feels like we’d be cheating, you know? Shouldn’t we be able to have the best time with just us and no extra help?

 

First off, I’d suggest sitting down and having a conversation with your boy. Why does he want to use toys? Perhaps there’s something specific he wants to try out, or maybe he wants you to have the best time possible. Or perhaps he’s just curious and wants to explore! Communication is essential when trying new sexual things, and being on the same page beforehand will make things a lot easier when you’re actually doing it.

One thing I can promise though – sex toys are not a way of cheating to get the sexual high score. Toys are a way to expand on the chemistry the two of you already have, and can open doors you never even knew existed. Positions on the Orgasmic High-Score Board are up for grabs, and there are no rules about how you get there.

To start with, try using a toy of your own by yourself. There are lots of options! A masturbation sleeve like a fleshlight (if you have a dick), a dildo or a vibrator (vaginally or anally), a butt plug, a prostate massager, or a vibrating wand (everyone seems to recommend the Hitachi one) are the main ones. You can always get more exotic later – my collection is ever-expanding.

If you have a clitoris, you might want to investigate rabbit vibrators. Different people prefer different things, but intense, direct clitoral stimulation can be pretty phenomenal.

If you have a prostate, then butt toys are a fun thing to try (protip: straight boys can enjoy their prostates too). Prostate stimulators come in a variety of forms: some vibrate, some don’t, some are angled to hit just the right spot, and some are meant to be guided more manually.

But where will you get toys from? I highly recommend the internet. You’ll find toys cheapest online with a bigger selection, as well as reviews. Plus, every online sex-toy shop I’ve ever encountered will ship the goods in plain packages, though shipping to New Zealand can occasionally be a pain. Online shopping is also good if you’re not comfortable walking into D.VICE in broad daylight.

The key points for any toys you’re putting inside yourself are to use plenty of lube and to go slowly. It’s a different, new thing, and especially if you’re using them anally it’s important to play it safe and go slow.

You can use all of these with someone else too of course, and it’s up to both of you to experiment and find new ways to use them! There are toys meant to be used as a couple, like double-ended dildos, strap-ons, and feeldoes (strapless strap-ons), and these are hopefully pretty self-explanatory. Maybe you’d like to try pegging, where you fuck a dude with a strap-on! I know a few straight boys who are super into it, and it’s becoming more common. There’s also bondage toys, if you feel like experimenting further, but there’s enough material there for several more columns!

It’s also important to think about the materials your toys are made of. Different people will have preferences, and I like metal or glass ones, because they’re easy to sterilise, will last forever, and you can do interesting things with changing their temperature. Don’t freak out about the glass breaking or anything – it’s similar to Pyrex, which is virtually indestructible. Some cheaper toys will be made of lower-quality material, so always try to find reviews and see what other people thought of them.

Water-based lube, which you can get at the supermarket, will be safe with all your toys, as well as condoms, though it will eventually dry out. It washes out of sheets too, which is practical. Silicone lube is slipperier, and lasts for much longer, so if you were planning on doing something interesting like having a butt plug in while you go about your day, or just banging your toys for ages, it can be a good option. Please please please never use silicone lube with silicone toys! It will ruin them. Likewise, if you have more than one silicone toy, store them separately as the material can interact weirdly.

If you’re using toys with more than one person, use a condom on them, unless it’s a glass or metal toy that you can sterilise. Other materials may be slightly porous and it’s not worth the risk. You should always wash your toys before and after use too; soap and warm water is fine. Infections are gross, and easy to avoid with good toy hygiene!

Best of luck with your explorations! I hope things go well for you.

x Seymour

 

Lux Lisbon has a new sidekick! Salient proudly presents Seymour Butts, our new resident sex columnist for 2013. Ask anonymously about bumps, sex and relationships at ask.fm/LuxAndSeymour.

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