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June 4, 2013 | by  | in Opinion |
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Laying Down the Law

It’s that time of year again—graduation! Being a final-year Law student myself, I began to consider what it meant to be a Law student at Vic before I get to throw my own mortarboard upwards and beyond. Apart from being arrogant pricks, Law students are naturally…

Sorry, my thoughts have been interrupted by a couple of jerks discussing how pickled they are going to get at Stein 2.0 on a BLUE floor in the Library. What it means to be a Law student is, in part, how to behave in the Library. I thought I’d take this opportunity to provide a crash course on library etiquette.

First, for those filthy Commerce students who believe it is their right to take up as many desks as possible in the Law Library, fuck off. It is the Law-School library—go crawl back to the inferior cave from which you creatures came. Notice the arrogance in my narrative? You betcha! As I said, it comes with the territory.

The intelligence of Law students is only paralleled by the stupidity of their eating habits. Apples are a no-go. So too are crackers. I mean reeeally?! What type of student is bringing crackers to a library expecting to make friends? That constant crunch is like being bowled constant doosras. The crunch is only rivaled by the tap-tap-taparoo of keypads on laptops. Don’t get me wrong, I understand it’s necessary. But maybe it’s not essential to slap the keys so hard the letter is imprinted onto your finger.

For the sniffers, snuffers and snorters out there, please use a tissue. Such a simple solution, yet such a difficult concept for people to grasp. Do not inflict the continuous sound of snot upon your fellow pairs. Believe me, it is not well received.

Finally to those bastards who leave the elevator doors ajar so us poor folk have to contend with the stairs while juggling books, coffee, and coats, again, such a simple solution—so why do we have these continued problems?

If you avoid the above-named habits, I’ll respect you and obviously you’ll understand what it means to be a Law student at Vic. For the cool kids, take some Panadol to reduce the swelling of your heads. You never really learn much from hearing yourself speak.

Yours sincerely,
A severely pissed off Law student.

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