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June 4, 2013 | by  | in Opinion |
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Things That Go Bump in the Night

Seymour and Lux, perhaps you can help me out. I am both terrified of and intrigued by anal… I have a few questions. What are the chances of causing serious damage down there? Will I accidentally poo on my partner?

The chances of causing any permanent damage are very low, and if you prepare properly, you’re not going to get poop everywhere.

Taking a dump sometime in the few hours beforehand will be enough to ensure you don’t get poop all over the place—douching can be more trouble than it’s worth and isn’t essential. The most poop you are likely to experience is a slight discolouration, or the odd small piece on the condom afterwards. That said, having sheets that are not white, and having a towel handy are both recommended.

If you’ve never put anything in your butt before, do a little self-exploration beforehand. The sensations will be totally different to anything you’ve experienced before, which can be a lot to deal with when you’re with your partner. To start with you will feel like you need to poop but this is just a reflex, and it will fade gradually—don’t panic! While you’re here, learn a bit about your anatomy—you have two sphincters—rings of muscle—in your butthole, one right past the other. The outer one is under voluntary control and the inner one isn’t. The inner one is the reason everyone tells you to relax—if you’re not comfortable with what you’re doing it will be closed up, resulting in pain when you try to put things in. Take deep breaths, go really, really slowly, and gradually loosen up.

When you’re ready to get down to business, get your partner to finger you first. Make sure they have short nails with no sharp corners, as the rectum is sensitive and it doesn’t take much to tear it. Most importantly: go unbelievably slowly, and use huge amounts of lube. Once their finger is in, just leave it there and get used to it for a bit. If you are someone with a prostate, then they should search this out (about 5 cm in, on the front side of the rectum, behind the bladder) and gently rub it. You’ll know when they’ve found it because you’ll involuntarily moan quite loudly. Prostates are pretty sweet. If you’re someone without a prostate, anal sex can still be plenty pleasurable. Your anus has heaps of nerve endings, so is very sensitive, and there are stretch receptors inside your rectum that can make it a very satisfying experience.

When you’re ready for the main event, use a condom to protect from bacteria. Insertion should be super, super slow. Start with the head against the anus and gently guide it in. If it hurts, stop; you’re damaging yourself if you’re moving too fast. The more relaxed you are, the easier it will be, and gently pushing out like you’re preparing to poop can help relax your inner sphincter and make entry easier.

Take a moment (or longer) to get used to it before slowly starting the thrusting. I’m sure you can figure out what to do from here. It will still pay to be a little careful though, and it may take a while to work out what works for you and what doesn’t. There are heaps of positions for anal sex and many will feel quite different. Remember that as the receptive partner, you’re the one with all the power! This is your show, and you get to call the shots.

Love,
Seymour xx

 

Does wanting to be tied up, blindfolded and slapped on the arse make me a bad feminist?

Being a ‘good’ feminist (if such a thing exists) doesn’t mean casting aside all things considered to be stereotypically feminine, nor does it mean taking on traditionally masculine roles. Feminism means empowering yourself to seek out what you want from your sex life, your relationships, your career, or anything else which is important to you. And on the flip side, being a ‘good’ feminist means not pushing your own ideas of what it means to be a ‘woman’ onto another—instead, allow and encourage them to decide for themselves what is meaningful to them.

Feminism is a force that enables women to take a hold of their own lives and decisions; it encourages us to say yes to the things we want and no to those that we don’t, regardless of what society expects from us as ‘women’. To tell a woman how she should have sex with a partner and what she should enjoy in the bedroom is to control her sexuality. So, if you enjoy playing a submissive role, being tied up and having your ass slapped, then bite down and bend over. But in the same vein, if you do not like being dominated by your sexual partner, that is totally cool too. So long as you are doing it for yourself, you feel sexy and you feel safe, you need not feel you are living a double life.

Lux you long time xx

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