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July 22, 2013 | by  | in News |
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LOL News

TAKE YOUR PLACE ON THE FLOOR

Of all the lubricants, social and otherwise, at play at the University of Otago’s Re-O Week Paint Party, most dangerous was the paint. 35 people were treated for injuries, with 11 sent to hospital by ambulance after slipping on the paint-soaked concrete floor. St John Dunedin operations team manager Doug Third said “nobody that went to hospital was sober”, a shocking statement if you manage to convince yourself that there were any sober people at the event at all. Event director Jamie Templeton had done just this, telling media no intoxicated persons had been allowed into the venue. LOL News, indeed.

LOOK MOM, NO HANDS

Independence Day is widely celebrated in the US, usually with fireworks and a barbecue, and in the case of one Californian man, by incredible stunts of masturbation. Noted multi-tasker Clark Duncan McElfresh was arrested after masturbating while riding a bicycle, in what witnesses (probably) described as a very impressive act. All in all, a decent job at indecent exposure by the 51-year-old.

MONKEY BUSINESS

An Italian senator revealed himself to be a baboon last week, after referring to Italy’s first black cabinet minister as an orangutan. Roberto Calderoli was quoted as saying “I love animals… but when I see pictures of [her I think of] an orangutan.” Calderoli also said minister Cécile Kyenge should “govern in her own country”. Kyenge was born in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, but has lived and worked in Italy for 30 years. It is unknown for how long Calderoli has been a baboon.

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Burnt Honey

: First tutorial of the year. When I open the door, I underestimate my strength, thinking it to be all used up in my journey here. It swings open violently and I trip into the room where awkward gazes greet me. Frozen, my legs are lead and I’m stuck on display for too long. My ov