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August 19, 2013 | by  | in Arts Music |
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Concert Etiquette: How to Not Be That Guy

If you have ever attended a gig which involves standing amidst the (quite literally) unwashed masses, then you have most likely experienced That Guy. ‘That Guy’ is a gender-neutral term for That Fucking Prick Who Gropes Your Breasts/Knees You in the Scrotum/Threatens to Stab You/Spills Their $12 Beer On Your Chuck Taylors/Instagrams the Entire Concert then Complains that Their Favourite Song Wasn’t Played.

Here is how to NOT be That Guy.

1) Acts of Violence

Firstly, I totally understand that the many sub-genres of hard rock music often prompt senseless acts of violence, a.k.a. the mosh pit. In these instances, I have but one rule: do not draw blood from your head-banging compatriots. Or from yourself, for that matter. Ew.

Aside from this select group of gigs, purposeful violence—including sexual assault—should not be tolerated. But, I hear you whimper feebly, what about when you’re being sucked into a whirlpool of sweaty teenagers and your limbs are literally being torn from your body?

2) The Whirlpool of Sweaty Teenagers in Which Your Limbs are Literally Being Torn From Your Body

By all means, you gotta fight for your right to party. It is entirely acceptable to push back against the crowd as it surges forward, BUT, make sure that you apologise to those people immediately around you who you are pushing against! Don’t worry, it definitely does not need to be a sincere apology.

3) Band T-Shirts

Personally, I have no issue with wearing the T-shirt of the band that you are going to watch. But for the love of Apollo, DO NOT WEAR THE T-SHIRT OF A DIFFERENT BAND OR CONCERT. Nobody cares if you went to Rhythm and Vines in 2011, douchebro.

4) Tall People

Admittedly, it can be truly annoying when your abnormally small body gets stuck behind a member of the Harlem Globetrotters (sports reference in an arts feature, whaaaaat). Yet let’s be fair and acknowledge the lottery of birth; they can’t help being tall, and are probably already self-conscious about their height. Don’t harass them, just move to a different spot in the crowd.

5) Electronic Devices

Being able to document and share the memories of an amazing night watching James Blake live is an incredible privilege for our generation. By all means, text and call your buddies (if only to rub it in their faces that they’re not there) and take videos and photos to upload on Facebook. However, the point at which you are spending the entire night on your phone is rude. So, so rude. Not to your peers, but to the musicians who are dedicating their energy to entertaining you. Acknowledge their effort and talent, and put your cellphone back inside the tight, tight back pocket of your skinny jeans.

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