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August 5, 2013 | by  | in Homepage Opinion |
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Fixing Your Life (Because Ours Are Written Off)

My ex-boyfriend (first love) revealed over the summer that he had been cheating on me. I now see the girl that he was cheating on me with, and is currently dating, EVERYWHERE. Would it be appropriate for me to curb-stomp her and her smug, unremorseful face?

 

Hector:

Look, I feel your pain. My first love left me to go party with older guys at a beach house over summer, texting me at night to (I assume) rub it in my face. At the time, my only response was to reply with: “DO YOU KNOW WHAT A BROKEN FUCKING HEART FEELS LIKE?”

I won’t pretend we went through the exact same thing, though—I wasn’t cheated on, and doubtless my teenage relationship didn’t reach the same level of seriousness as yours. That said, there are really important pieces of advice which I can share with you.

First, and most importantly: keep your friends nearby at all times. Now is not the time to be alone. Still, that will happen, so be prepared and don’t be too hard on yourself when those times come.

It sounds like you’re about six months past the actual break-up, which has hopefully been long enough to let time begin to heal your wounds. I hope, too, that you have found comfort through your friends.

The real issue here is that you’re seeing the Other Woman around and it is still killing you inside. Short answer: that won’t go away quickly. Even worse, if you always associate anger and violence with seeing her, you’ll only feel more angry and violent. On the other hand, it would be satisfying as hell to come at her, Snooki-and-JWoww style.

But please, don’t. You know that it’s a bad idea, right? I know it’s humiliating to see her smugness, but it’s even more humiliating to be the violent one. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Chances are your ex is about to do to her exactly what he did to you, and then you guys can both do exactly what you probably should have done in the first place: direct all your hatred at the cheater.

Let me sum up: you’re great, he sucks (and so does she). I’m sorry for what happened, and you have every right to feel sad, angry and anything else. But if you worry too much about her then you won’t ever feel better about yourself.

The only way your heart will mend/Is when you learn to love again,

Hector.

——

Janet:

Of course it would be appropriate. Regrettably, it would be neither lawful nor dignified. Apparently, your first love is one that you don’t really forget. I told a friend that I didn’t think that statement applied to me, and they said, “It means your first requited love,” so perhaps one day it just might. *stares into middle distance*

It pains me that she has a smug and unremorseful face. Consider the possibility that that is just how her face looks, but then dismiss it quickly, because we both know she is ultra-smug and being deliberately mean-spirited. Sadly, he will in all likelihood cheat on her too; fidelity doesn’t seem that important to him.

This guy has made you feel pretty stupid, and pretty hurt, and now you’re seeing a mascara-ed reminder that he is with someone else all the time. That’s dumb. I know how you feel. There is always an element of, “What has this girl got that I don’t have?”, but I think for your sanity you’ve got to keep telling yourself that all she has is better timing. Unless she really is more of a catch than you, but I find that hard to believe, because intimacy is a joke of time and space.

Remember that while she might not be someone that you ever want to see, you were far closer to him: how he treated you is more insulting than any look she’ll ever throw you in the vicbooks queue. You also (hopefully) have friends who love you and who can remind you, briefly and with composure, that “you’re cooler”, should you feel the need to ask once in a while. Lastly, remember that you could conceivably have heard she has a third nipple, or specifically requests pink marshmallows in her mochas, or is Muldoon’s granddaughter. (These fake rumours have been carefully constructed to require just that little bit too much research that people won’t bother to verify them: you’re welcome.)

Janet (pronounced Hanet).

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